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The only way to improve road safety is to give much stricter punishments on driving offenses. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

The only way to improve road safety is to give much stricter punishments on driving offenses. v. 4
In the modern world, the road accidents are a serious problem for many people. In this regard, some people are keen to think that there are should be strict punishment for the offenders as well as for the drivers. However, others feel that the authorities should not be a stringent in such cases. But they should teach the young drivers to follow the rules. Personally, I believe that the highways should be controlled by the government in order to prevent any automobile accidents. On the other hand, it is true that in order to maintain the road safety, the authorities can install the CCTV cameras across the motorways. This can reduce the traffic accidents and crime rate. Moreover, introducing the laws which are purposed to decrease the car crashes deaths and rates. For example, some people believe that there is should be much stricter punishment for the individuals who drive the vehicle when they drunk the alcohol drinks. In addition, the driving licence should be given to adults, not to the teenagers. On the other hand, some individuals reckon to think that such kinds of methods will not work until the government provide the facilities which can maintain the road safety. It is clear that the accident number is directly influenced by the condition of motorways and highways. Furthermore, the authorities should not allow the youngsters to drive a car. For instance, many countries have not such kind of restriction. Accordingly, the pathway deaths are high in such regions. In addition, if the drivers are not bothered by the mobile phones, they can concentrate on their way. The restriction of smart phones can be another solution of this problem. In conclusion, although many people are keen to think that the main cause of the casualty is the lack of control, others feel that in order to prevent any misadventures on the motorway, the government should maintain the teaching method of young drivers. In addition, the law-abiding citizens can avoid the car crashes.
In the modern world, the road accidents are a serious problem for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In this regard,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are keen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there are should be strict punishment for the offenders
as well
as for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drivers
.
However
, others feel that the authorities should not be a stringent in such cases.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
they should teach the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drivers
to follow the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.
Personally
, I believe that the highways should
be controlled
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
any automobile accidents.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is true that in order to maintain the road safety, the authorities can install the CCTV cameras across the motorways. This can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the traffic accidents and crime rate.
Moreover
, introducing the laws which
are purposed
to decrease the car crashes deaths and rates.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that there
Did you mean "it"?
is
should be much stricter punishment for the individuals who drive the vehicle when they drunk the alcohol drinks.
In addition
, the driving
Possible spelling mistake. 'licence' is British English.
licence
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to adults, not to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals reckon to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that such kinds of methods will not work until the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
provide the facilities which can maintain the road safety. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the accident number is
directly
influenced by the condition of motorways and highways.
Furthermore
, the authorities should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the youngsters to drive a car.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries have not such kind of restriction.
Accordingly
, the pathway deaths are high in such regions.
In addition
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drivers
are not bothered by the mobile phones, they can concentrate on their way. The restriction of smart phones can be another solution of this problem.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are keen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the main cause of the casualty is the lack of control, others feel that in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
any misadventures on the motorway, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should maintain the teaching method of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drivers
.
In addition
, the law-abiding citizens can avoid the car crashes.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay The only way to improve road safety is to give much stricter punishments on driving offenses. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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