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medical professionals such as doctors and nurses from poorer countries often migrate to richer countries to work. what problems arise from this situation? what measures can be taken to deal with it? v.2

medical professionals such as doctors and nurses from poorer countries often migrate to richer countries to work. what problems arise from this situation? what measures can be taken to deal with it? v. 2
Health care workers have to struggle a lot to earn a better lifestyle in the developing nations. Therefore, a large number of them are seen to be moving to the developed countries. This essay will discuss the issues that will emerge from these conditions and will talk about the various methods that can be adopted so as to ensure that the home country is not left without any medical professionals. Some of the major problems associated with the economic migration of health workers are, that the nation will be left out will less number of the people with medical expertise. Additionally, the experienced staff to train the students will be lagging, thereby compromising on the level of services provided to the people. For example, clinical knowledge and its practical application can only be passed from an experienced expert. Hence, shortage of the medical knowledge in a country can be extremely damaging for its society. Even though these are severe problems, solutions for them are available. To begin with, government can provide better financial aid to the medical professionals which would help them grow economically, for instance, sixth pay commission, which is available to the government employees can be employed for them as well leading to their financial growth. Moreover, the movement of the doctors to other countries can be restricted by imposing strict laws, for example, higher fees for the immigration process. All these solutions may help in limiting the movement of health care providers. In conclusion, these days medicos are leaving their home country to foreign land for lucrative job offers. This essay discussed that lack of experts to treat and train will be some of the major issues which can be solved by providing better pay and making strict rules for immigration of health workers.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
care workers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
struggle a lot to earn a better lifestyle in the developing nations.
Therefore
,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
them are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
to be moving to the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This essay will discuss the issues that will emerge from these conditions and will talk about the various methods that can
be adopted
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
ensure that the home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
without any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
professionals.

If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
major problems associated with the economic migration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
workers are, that the nation will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
out will
Non-standard use of the comparative or superlative. Did you mean "less numb"?
less number
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
expertise.
Additionally
, the experienced staff to train the students will be lagging, thereby compromising on the level of services provided to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For example
, clinical knowledge and its practical application can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be passed
from an experienced expert.
Hence
, shortage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
knowledge in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can be
extremely
damaging for its society.

Even though
these are severe problems, solutions for them are available. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can provide better financial aid to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
professionals which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them grow
economically
,
for instance
, sixth pay commission, which is available to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
employees can
be employed
for them
as well
leading to their financial growth.
Moreover
, the movement of the doctors to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can
be restricted
by imposing strict laws,
for example
, higher fees for the immigration process. All these solutions may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in limiting the movement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care providers.

In conclusion
, these days medicos are leaving their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to foreign land for lucrative job offers. This essay discussed that lack of experts to treat and train will be
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
major issues which can
be solved
by providing better pay and making strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
for immigration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
workers.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay medical professionals such as doctors and nurses from poorer countries often migrate to richer countries to work. what problems arise from this situation? what measures can be taken to deal with it? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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