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Some people believe that elderly employees are more useful to a company, while others believe that young employees are better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.4

Some people believe that elderly employees are more useful to a company, while others believe that young employees are better. v. 4
There is no doubt that the workforce is very crucial in any organization across the world. However, while some believe that the younger generations are better for a company, I would agree with those who argue that experienced candidates are the key to organizational growth. On the one hand, it is vital that companies equip their campus with young associates who are usually sharp and enthusiastic. This is because these sets of people are up-to-date with the latest technologies and best skill set which are key requirements in today's world. For instance, a start-up in Bangalore recruited only early professionals, thus increasing its productivity and rise in market value. In contrast, if they completely depend on elderly employees, then there might be several impacts on the progress which in turn impacts the profit. On the other hand, my view is that having experienced candidates will surely be advantageous to the organization. The reason for this is that they acquire great experiences with an enormous amount of knowledge across different products, and research has shown that experience is a necessary catalyst for the drive and success of any industry. For instance, elderly mentor-ship by Steve jobs is the main reason for the development of Apple. As a result, older candidates are the key players who are very crucial for companies betterment than in comparison to less experienced people. In conclusion, although it is of critical importance that IT industries should continue to hire fresh grads who can contribute with their smartness, it is my firm belief that experienced people can lay a better foundation for the progress on the basis that this will give drastic results.
There is no doubt that the workforce is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial in any organization across the world.
However
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that the younger generations are better for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experienced
candidates are the key to organizational growth.

On the one hand, it is vital that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
equip their campus with young associates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
usually
sharp and enthusiastic. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these sets of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are up-to-date with the latest technologies and best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
set which are key requirements in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world.
For instance
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
-up in Bangalore recruited
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
early professionals,
thus
increasing its productivity and rise in market value.
In contrast
, if they completely depend on elderly employees, then there might be several impacts on the progress which in turn impacts the profit.

On the other hand
, my view is that having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experienced
candidates will
surely
be advantageous to the organization.
The reason for this is
that they acquire great experiences with an enormous amount of knowledge across
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
products, and research has shown that experience is a necessary catalyst for the drive and success of any industry.
For instance
, elderly mentor-ship by
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Steve jobs
is the main reason for the development of Apple.
As a result
, older candidates are the key players
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
betterment than
in comparison
to less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experienced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, although it is of critical importance that IT industries should continue to hire fresh grads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can contribute with their smartness, it is my firm belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experienced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can lay a better foundation for the progress on the basis that this will give drastic results.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Some people believe that elderly employees are more useful to a company, while others believe that young employees are better. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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