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The bar chart below shows the percentage of tourists to Thailand who visited four different attractions in Bangkok v.1

The bar chart below shows the percentage of tourists to Thailand who visited four different attractions in Bangkok v. 1
New houses are necessary in a lot of locations, however, the only areas with space availability are the rural regions. It is thought by some that the preference should be on protecting the countryside other than erecting new homes there. In my opinion, I consider that the rural areas ought to be guarded jealously as this would be beneficial to the people and the society at large. A good reason to preserve villages and not flood such places with buildings is that the ecosystem needs to be sustained. Furthermore, during construction, deforestation-a process of cutting down trees, takes place. This causes an imbalance in nature, for example, the exchange of air between plants and humans would be tampered with. Another important factor to consider in order to discourage the erection of new apartments in communities outside town is that those locations are known primarily for relaxation. People often relocate there after retirement so as to take a break from the extremely busy lifestyle in the urbanized location. But if there are too many people there, the serenity, which is the incentive for living there, is destroyed. Finally, when more houses are constructed in local vicinities, it encourages industrialization in such regions, which consequently means that there would be a lot of air pollution, which could lead to an unstable society. People might get sick and some might even die due to the effects of the polluted atmosphere. In conclusion, protecting the countryside is a must for any society that has the interest of the aged people at heart and one who desires a sustainable environment.
New
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
are necessary in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
locations,
however
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
areas with space availability are the rural regions. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that the preference should be on protecting the countryside other than erecting new homes there. In my opinion, I consider that the rural areas ought to
be guarded
jealously
as this would be beneficial to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the society at large.

A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason to preserve villages and not flood such places with buildings is that the ecosystem needs to
be sustained
.
Furthermore
, during construction, deforestation-a process of cutting down trees, takes place. This causes an imbalance in nature,
for example
, the exchange of air between plants and humans would
be tampered
with.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor to consider in order to discourage the erection of new apartments in communities outside town is that those locations
are known
primarily
for relaxation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
relocate there after retirement
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
take a break from the
extremely
busy lifestyle in the urbanized location.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if there are too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
there, the serenity, which is the incentive for living there, is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
.

Finally
, when more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
are constructed
in local
Possible spelling mistake found.
vicinities
, it encourages industrialization in such regions, which
consequently
means that there would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
air pollution, which could lead to an unstable society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sick and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
might even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
due to the effects of the polluted atmosphere.

In conclusion
, protecting the countryside is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for any society that has the interest of the aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at heart and one who desires a sustainable environment.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The bar chart below shows the percentage of tourists to Thailand who visited four different attractions in Bangkok v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
265 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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