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Some people believe that it is better to build new museums and town halls instead of renovating the old ones To what extent do you agree or disagree Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge v.1

Some people believe that it is better to build new museums and town halls instead of renovating the old ones 1
There is no doubt that mothers play a paramount role in raising the baby, but due to the fact that both parents are working, children need the same care and affection for alternative ways. In my opinion, such responsibility should still stem from both parents, especially mothers. In addition, babysitters and kindergartens should also bear the burden of taking care of a child. Firstly, mothers should devote time to the upbringing of the child as this will ramp up family bonds. For at least the first two years of little one, she should take some time off of work so that she can show her affection and devotion to the infant. Alternatively, mothers can sign up for part-time jobs owing to the fact that during the child’s early years, he/she needs breast feeding and attention. Here, businesses should help mothers by providing them with paid maternity leave and arranging benefits for them. Fathers should also be on leave for the newborn’s first week to support the mum and make the process easier for her. Hiring babysitters are another choice for busy parents who want their kids to be in good hands. Babysitters are especially helpful to first-time mums and dads, who don’t have a lot of experience raising a child. Additionally, au pairs have been a popular choice for families. In fact, aside from a background check and CPR certification, parents also look for other special skills in a nanny, like bilingualism. From just two years of age, parents can send their kids to kindergarten. Kindergarten is a preschool educational approach based on playing, singing, practical activities such as drawing, and social interaction as part of the transition from home to school. Hence, preschools will be beneficial to both the parents and the children by giving kids the chance to socialize with others while letting parents focus on their work. In conclusion, despite the growing amount of work being placed on mothers and fathers, they can still seek help by hiring caretakers and sending their kids to kindergartens. Additionally, they can look for guidance and support from more experienced members of the family, like their own parents or siblings.
There is no doubt that mothers play a paramount role in raising the baby,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
due to the fact that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are working, children need the same care and affection for alternative ways. In my opinion, such responsibility should
still
stem from both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
especially
mothers.
In addition
, babysitters and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kindergartens
should
also
bear the burden of taking care of a child.

Firstly
, mothers should devote time to the upbringing of the child as this will ramp up family bonds. For at least the
first
two years of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
one, she should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time off of work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that she can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
her affection and devotion to the infant.
Alternatively
, mothers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
up for part-time jobs owing to the fact that during the child’s early years, he/she needs
This word is normally spelled as one.
breast feeding
and attention. Here, businesses should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
mothers by providing them with paid maternity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
and arranging benefits for them. Fathers should
also
be on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
for the newborn’s
first
week to support the mum and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the process easier for her.

Hiring babysitters are another choice for busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to be in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
hands. Babysitters are
especially
helpful to
first
-time
Possible spelling mistake found.
mums
and dads, who don’t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
experience raising a child.
Additionally
,
Make sure that 'au' means 'astronomical unit'. If you mean the chemical symbol for gold, use "Au".
au
pairs have been a popular choice for families. In fact, aside from a background
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
and CPR certification,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
also
look for other special
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in a nanny, like bilingualism.

From
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
two years of age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kindergarten
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Kindergarten
is a preschool educational approach based on playing, singing, practical activities such as drawing, and social interaction as part of the transition from home to school.
Hence
, preschools will be beneficial to both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and the children by giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
the chance to socialize with others while letting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
focus on their work.

In conclusion
, despite the growing amount of work
being placed
on mothers and fathers, they can
still
seek
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
by hiring caretakers and sending their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kindergartens
.
Additionally
, they can look for guidance and support from more experienced members of the family, like their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or siblings.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is better to build new museums and town halls instead of renovating the old ones 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
359 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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