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The online shopping will one day lead to all shops in town and cities close. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

The online shopping will one day lead to all shops in town and cities close. v. 1
In recent decades, there has been mushroom growth in Internet shopping around the world. Some people argue that the traditional stores in large town will go out of business due to increased in popularity of online shops. This essay will discuss that despite of the advantages of online shopping, conventional market will still remain in business. On the one hand, many people hold opinion that a large number of stores and markets of a town will completely substituted by online marts and shops. The mainstay of this belief is that shopping through Internet is a good alternative to traditional shopping for some consumers because of it provides facilitation and convenience. Furthermore, it saves people from lengthy commute and provides them ample opportunities to carry out leisure activities. Consequently, if majority of shoppers prefer to buy their commodities online, eventually the retailers will shut down. For instance, 95% Australian super markets are running online shops which are delivering goods at turnaround of 24 hours. Nonetheless, these arguments do not stand up to scrutiny in my opinion. Due to obvious reasons that certain demographic of society is still apprehensive about the trend of e –shopping because of recent increase in the frauds of buying goods from different websites and internet applications. In other words, products on Internet might be vibrant and flashy although, their functionality in real is over stated in online adverts. Thus, many buyers prefer to shop from departmental stores rather than online. For example, there have been several instances recorded when buyers express their dissatisfaction on the quality of products that have been bought from online store. As a result, many consumers are still fascinated towards traditional style of shopping and consider it a pleasurable experience, as do not want to compromise for a faulty and substandard product. In conclusion, although online shopping offers convenience and comfort, yet it cannot completely replaced the business of conventional stores because of the bolstered fears among consumers from the online fraud.
In recent decades, there has been mushroom growth in Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
around the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
in large town will go out of business due to increased in popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
. This essay will discuss that
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
, conventional market will
still
remain in business.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold opinion that
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
and markets of a town will completely
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "substitute"
substituted
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
marts and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
. The mainstay of this belief is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
through Internet is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
alternative to traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
consumers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of it provides facilitation and convenience.
Furthermore
, it saves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from lengthy commute and provides them ample opportunities to carry out leisure activities.
Consequently
, if
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
shoppers prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their commodities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
,
eventually
the retailers will shut down.
For instance
, 95% Australian super markets are running
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
which are delivering
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
at turnaround of 24 hours.

Nonetheless, these arguments do not stand up to scrutiny in my opinion. Due to obvious reasons that certain demographic of society is
still
apprehensive about the trend of e
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
–shopping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of recent increase in the frauds of buying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
websites and internet applications.
In other words
, products on Internet might be vibrant and flashy although, their functionality in real is over stated in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
adverts.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
buyers prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
from departmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
.
For example
, there have been several instances recorded when buyers express their dissatisfaction on the quality of products that have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
consumers are
still
fascinated towards traditional style of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
and consider it a pleasurable experience, as do not want to compromise for a faulty and substandard product.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
offers convenience and comfort,
yet
it cannot completely
The verb 'cannot' requires the base form of the verb: "replace"
replaced
the business of conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the bolstered fears among consumers from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
fraud.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay The online shopping will one day lead to all shops in town and cities close. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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