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The older people who need employment have to compete with younger ones What problems can this create What are some solutions v.2

The older people who need employment have to compete with younger ones What problems can this create What are some solutions v. 2
In recent years, there are strong competitions between older people and younger ones for jobs. This trend has significant impacts on older workers first, before widespreading to community. Also many effective measures can be taken to tackle this problem. Competing with youngsters, older workers have to face with two main issues. First, older generation seems to suffer more disadvantages in job seeking even when they have the same qualifications and abilities as their younger counterparts. As a result, they may be out of work and could not reach basic needs. Second, strong pressure has a tendency to occur to older people rather than younger ones. Despite many experiences, older workers are not as creative and adaptable as their younger colleagues. They may find difficult to get used to with modern technology and new requirements of labor market. This could lead to psychological deseases such as depression or even heart desease. In long term, it will become the burden of social security. However, with many initiatives from both goverment and individuals, these problems can be resolved. To each older worker first, they need to be eager to develop new skills to adapt to change at workplace. In addition, younger colleagues should be encouraged to support their old counterparts to get acquaintance with up-to-date technique and facilities. And the most important action is from the goverment. They should recommend companies to apply The Age Discrimination in Employment Act of 1967 to ensure equal opportunities for older candidates besides running many programs that let older people reach the way to earn a living. In conclusion, it is true that competitions between older people and younger ones for jobs have become increasingly widespread concern. This lead to many problems and of course they can be tackled by the action of both goverment and individuals.
In recent years, there are strong competitions between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
for jobs. This trend has significant impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
first
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
Possible spelling mistake found.
widespreading
to community.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
effective measures can
be taken
to tackle this problem.

Competing with youngsters,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face with two main issues.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
generation seems to suffer more disadvantages in job seeking even when they have the same qualifications and abilities as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
counterparts.
As a result
, they may be out of work and could not reach basic needs. Second, strong pressure has a tendency to occur to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. Despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
experiences,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
are not as creative and adaptable as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
colleagues. They may find difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to with modern technology and new requirements of labor market. This could lead to psychological
Possible spelling mistake found.
deseases
such as depression or even heart
Possible spelling mistake found.
desease
. In long term, it will become the burden of social security.

However
, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
initiatives from both
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverment
and individuals, these problems can
be resolved
. To each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
first
, they need to be eager to develop new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to adapt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
at workplace.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
colleagues should
be encouraged
to support their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
counterparts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
acquaintance with up-to-date technique and facilities. And the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
action is from the
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverment
. They should recommend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to apply The Age Discrimination in Employment Act of 1967 to ensure equal opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
candidates
besides
running
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
programs that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
reach the way to earn a living.

In conclusion
, it is true that competitions between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
for jobs have become
increasingly
widespread concern. This lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems and
of course
they can
be tackled
by the action of both
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverment
and individuals.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay The older people who need employment have to compete with younger ones What problems can this create What are some solutions v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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