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Gaming is argued to have a bad influence on young children but some people think that it could have a positive effect on them as well. Which view do you agree with? Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer. v.1

Gaming is argued to have a bad influence on young children but some people think that it could have a positive effect on them as well. Which view do you agree with? Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer. v. 1
There is no doubt that in today’s fast-paced, technology-driven world internet games have influenced lives of many people. While few opine that, gaming consoles are not good for development of youth, others argue that it also has beneficial effects on children. I do not completely agree with either of these perspectives and will support my explanation with relevant examples. On the one hand, internet games induce a bad influence on health as well as academics of students. This is because, the mind of a child can easily get diverted, which in turn leads to lack of concentration with poor academic performance. For example, according to a report published by the UK newspaper in 2011, the NHS highlighted a large proportion of brain damage in kids induced by deleterious rays emitted through the electronic media, when watched for longer periods. As a result, the overall growth and development of children were retarded. In contrast, children should have liberty to enjoy their favourite video games but under supervision. On the other hand, I believe the computer games have some beneficial effects on youngsters. The reason of this is, development of quick thinking and decision-making attitude, which lead them to a path of success in times ahead. For instance, in my own experience, I could play video games as a child that enhanced my reflexes for various activity. As a result, my driving skills were remarkably improved, and I can drive anywhere in the world with confidence. However, the children should not over indulge in these addictive video games therefore, a strict supervision should always be present. Although, I believe whether learners can play computer games or not, the neuro- cognitive development depends upon an individual’s personality as well as environmental factors. In conclusion, while there are numerous detrimental effects of internet games on mind and body of children, I believe it also gives youth a chance to discover new horizons and live happily.
There is no doubt that in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced, technology-driven world internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have influenced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. While few opine that, gaming consoles are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of youth, others argue that it
also
has beneficial effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I do not completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with either of these perspectives and will support my explanation with relevant examples.

On the one hand, internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
induce a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influence on health
as well
as academics of students. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, the mind of a child can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
diverted, which in turn leads to lack of concentration with poor academic performance.
For example
, according to a report published by the UK newspaper in 2011, the NHS highlighted a large proportion of brain damage in kids induced by deleterious rays emitted through the electronic media, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
for longer periods.
As a result
, the
overall
growth and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
were retarded
.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should have liberty to enjoy their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
under supervision.

On the other hand
, I believe the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
beneficial effects on youngsters. The reason of this is,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of quick thinking and decision-making attitude, which lead them to a path of success in times ahead.
For instance
, in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience, I could play video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
as a child that enhanced my reflexes for various activity.
As a result
, my driving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
were
remarkably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
, and I can drive anywhere in the world with confidence.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not over indulge in these addictive video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
therefore
, a strict supervision should always be present. Although, I believe whether learners can play computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
or not, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
neuro
- cognitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
depends upon an individual’s personality
as well
as environmental factors.

In conclusion
, while there are numerous detrimental effects of internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on mind and body of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, I believe it
also
gives youth a chance to discover new horizons and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
happily
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Gaming is argued to have a bad influence on young children but some people think that it could have a positive effect on them as well. Which view do you agree with? Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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