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Many agricultural lands are being converted into commercial centres. How does this affect the environment and the people’s life style? Discuss this situation and provide suggestions. Support your answer with specific reasons and examples. v.3

Many agricultural lands are being converted into commercial centres. How does this affect the environment and the people’s life style? Discuss this situation and provide suggestions. Support your answer with specific reasons and examples. v. 3
There is no doubt that in this modern era farming is losing its importance under the influence of sophisticated commercialism. This change is leading to serious problems in many nations. While it is observed that, many farmlands are being replaced by shopping malls and city centres, this may have an influence on natural habitat and person’s life. In this essay, I will discuss two problems that arise due to this change and propose some ways to mitigate this issue. Firstly, the continuous decrease in farmland areas are causing bad influence on our habitat. This is because, deforestation leads to soil erosion, which in turn makes the healthy land unfavourable for agricultural purposes. Furthermore, this overcrowding and commercialization of cities and states are leading to imbalance in our ecosystem. For example, in my opinion, I am still healthy with a strong immune system, because I was lucky to breathe fresh air due to many untouched forest areas and eat fresh fruits-vegetables grown in the farmlands surrounding my city. The solution for this is that, the government authorities should imply strict rules and penalties against buying or selling agricultural lands for commercial purposed. The authorities can provide lands for such activities in centre of cities, thus leaving outskirts for farming purposes. Secondly, the lives of individual’s are getting affected by development of these modern public buildings. The reason for this is, the food crisis people are facing, which is due to decrease in farming areas. Moreover, these lands are responsible to maintain a balance in demand and supply of food and vegetables, which is declining at a fast pace. For instance, a study done by one of United Kingdom’s news channel reported that, people living in cities which are losing their agricultural grounds are facing major food shortage, thus taking help from neighbouring states. The solution is that, people should be aware for hiked prices of food items and chemical adulterations done by these commercial activities. The people should promote the idea of buying fresh from local farmer’s markets, which would help them monetarily and boost their confidence. However, the farming and commercial centres both hold an important place in a developing society and is beneficial to every human being. In conclusion, while commercial activities are causing environmental deterioration and food crisis for people the people and the government authorities must play a strict role in controlling this imbalance.
There is no doubt that in this modern era
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
is losing its importance under the influence of sophisticated commercialism. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is leading to serious problems in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations. While it
is observed
that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
farmlands are
being replaced
by shopping malls and city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, this may have an influence on natural habitat and person’s life. In this essay, I will discuss two problems that arise due to this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and propose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways to mitigate this issue.

Firstly
, the continuous decrease in farmland areas are causing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influence on our habitat. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, deforestation leads to soil erosion, which in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
for agricultural purposes.
Furthermore
, this overcrowding and commercialization of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and states are leading to imbalance in our ecosystem.
For example
, in my opinion, I am
still
healthy with a strong immune system,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I was lucky to breathe fresh air due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
untouched forest areas and eat fresh fruits-vegetables grown in the farmlands surrounding my city. The solution for this is that, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
authorities should imply strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and penalties against buying or selling agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lands
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
purposed. The authorities can provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lands
for such activities in
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
,
thus
leaving outskirts for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
purposes.

Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
Did you mean the plural instead of the possessive?
individual’s
are getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by development of these modern public buildings.
The reason for this is
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
crisis
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are facing, which is due to decrease in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
areas.
Moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lands
are responsible to maintain a balance in demand and supply of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and vegetables, which is declining at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace.
For instance
, a study done by one of United Kingdom’s news channel reported that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
which are losing their agricultural grounds are facing major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
shortage,
thus
taking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbouring' is British English.
neighbouring
states. The solution is that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be aware for hiked prices of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items and chemical
Possible spelling mistake found.
adulterations
done by these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
activities. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should promote the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of buying fresh from local farmer’s markets, which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
monetarily
and boost their confidence.

However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
both hold an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
place in a developing society and is beneficial to every human being.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commercial
activities are causing environmental deterioration and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
crisis for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
authorities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
play a strict role in controlling this imbalance.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Many agricultural lands are being converted into commercial centres. How does this affect the environment and the people’s life style? Discuss this situation and provide suggestions. Support your answer with specific reasons and examples. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
397 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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