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The older people who need employment have to compete with younger ones What problems can this create What are some solutions v.1

The older people who need employment have to compete with younger ones What problems can this create What are some solutions v. 1
In recent days, waste of any kind of materials reached an unprecedented level almost all around the World. The access of goods is very easy so that people from all walks of life consume more products which emerges more garbages. We can count some certain reasons for producing more junk. First of all, we are time-poor now. We prefer using our time to earn more money in lieu of cooking. So that we consume more canned food and create more junk. An article showed that, workers in the USA complain for their long working hours. Yet, if it would be possible to have one extra week to live, what would they do? The answer was unpredictable, most of the survey attendees said that “they would work more” This study indicates that, we are so bonded to work more in order to consume more which results with more wasted materials. In my opinion, the governments need to raise public awareness with national sized a wide range campaigns of media sources such as the internet commercials, news, newspapers and radio programmes. These actions can increase a nationwide awareness, thus people can stop using unnecessary materials and generate more trash. Furthermore, the governments can work with youtubers too. These people have a profound impact on communities and especially the youth follows up their videos instantly which can alter individual’ idea on rubbish and the importance of preventing it. In conclusion, producing rubbish mean is consuming the World. However, it should not be forgotten that we have only one world to live. The governments have to focus to raise public awareness and people have to stop wasting goods.
In recent days, waste of any kind of materials reached an unprecedented level almost all around the World. The access of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all walks of life consume more products which emerges more
Possible spelling mistake found.
garbages
.

We can count
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
certain reasons for producing more junk.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, we are time-poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. We prefer using our time to earn more money in lieu of cooking.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that we consume more canned food and create more junk. An article
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that, workers in the USA
The usual collocation for "complain" is "about" not "for". Did you mean "complain about"?
complain for
their long working hours.
Yet
, if it would be possible to have one extra week to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, what would they do? The answer was unpredictable, most of the survey attendees said that “they would work more” This study indicates that, we are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
bonded to work more in order to consume more which results with more wasted materials.

In my opinion, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
need to raise public awareness with national sized a wide range campaigns of media sources such as the internet commercials, news, newspapers and radio
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
. These actions can increase a nationwide awareness,
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
using unnecessary materials and generate more trash.
Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can work with
Possible spelling mistake found.
youtubers
too. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a profound impact on communities and
especially
the youth follows up their videos
instantly
which can alter individual’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
on rubbish and the importance of preventing it.

In conclusion
, producing rubbish mean is consuming the World.
However
, it should not
be forgotten
that we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one world to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
focus to raise public awareness and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
wasting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The older people who need employment have to compete with younger ones What problems can this create What are some solutions v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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