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The older generation tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life. To what extend do you agree or disagre v.2

The older generation tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life. 2
It is asserted that people in the old generation have traditional ideas and behavior that are not suitable for the young in the modern life. Although I agree that some notions are behind the time, I strongly believe that others are useful and give next generation good preparing for social life these days. On the one hand, many conceptions of elderly people have about life are becoming less relevant for the young. For job prospect, today young workers no longer see their work life as a vocation in the way their grandparents did, they expect variety and diversity from their careers. Furthermore, the great disparity (discrepancy) between generations is the attitudes towards gender roles. Young people opine that the notion of men and women, as the breadwinner and housewives, are misconception, hence they want to change the old-fashioned decision in relationships about who and when to marry. On the other hand, some traditional views are invaluable and should not be forgotten. For instance, the characteristics as politeness and good manners is still benefit for young people in the competitive labor market. In the globalized world, it is necessary for people to conserve and proud of the ethnic identity and show it to the international friend with a view to giving them a good look for the nation. Moreover, due to the absence of technology in the past, people possess a good relationship with neighbors and society throughout the old styles in communication. In conclusion, while the opinions of older people might unhelpful to the young generation, some ideas still have value and they are certainly applicable to the modern world.
It
is asserted
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generation have traditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and behavior that are not suitable for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
in the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
notions are behind the time, I
strongly
believe that others are useful and give
next
generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
preparing for social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
these days.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
conceptions of elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
are becoming less relevant for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
. For job prospect,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
workers no longer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as a vocation in the way their grandparents did, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
variety and diversity from their careers.
Furthermore
, the great disparity (discrepancy) between generations is the attitudes towards gender roles.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opine that the notion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women, as the breadwinner and housewives, are misconception,
hence
they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned decision in relationships about who and when to marry.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
traditional views are invaluable and should not
be forgotten
.
For instance
, the characteristics as politeness and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
manners is
still
Consider using a past participle here: "benefited", "benefitted".
benefit
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the competitive labor market. In the globalized world, it is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to conserve and proud of the ethnic identity and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
it to the international friend with a view to giving them a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
look for the nation.
Moreover
, due to the absence of technology in the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
possess a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
relationship with neighbors and society throughout the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
styles in communication.

In conclusion
, while the opinions of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might unhelpful to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
still
have
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
value and
they are
certainly
applicable to the modern world.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The older generation tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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