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The older generation tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life. To what extend do you agree or disagre v.1

The older generation tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life. 1
It is an irrefutable fact that lots of students would like to do part time jobs during their study period. In my opinion, the working less hours is the best option, when students studying higher education in universities and in this essay, I intend to explain my views before the reasonable conclusion can be drawn. There are several reasons why students like a job. Firstly, most of the students come from different countries to other nations to reach their future goal, and it is very hard for the mediocre family to invest high amount of money on their children. Therefore, the teenagers try to find limited hour job that they can fulfil their expenses in other places. For an example, According to the survey conducted by the Australia government found that 90 percent of the students are independent and earn money from part time sources, instead of bringing money from their homeland. Moreover, Being a student, it is very difficult to find their own specific profession. Sometimes, they are rejected because they don’t have enough confidence to communicate with professionals. Furthermore, Because of part time job, youngster gains their experience to interact with a varied group of folks, which helps gain their skills. Although, a recent research initiates that the person who do extra work during their course, they have more guts than graduates person. To put in a nutshell, I pen down and say that work during education is the best part of our life, which results to achieve our aims and also help to tackle different problems.
It is an irrefutable fact that lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would like to do
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
during their study period. In my opinion, the working
Did you mean "fewer hours"?
less hours
is the best option, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
studying higher education in universities and in this essay, I intend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my views
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the reasonable conclusion can
be drawn
.

There are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
like a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Firstly
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries to other nations to reach their future goal, and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for the mediocre family to invest high amount of money on their children.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
try to find limited hour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that they can fulfil their expenses in other places. For an example, According to the survey conducted by the Australia
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
found that 90 percent of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are independent and earn money from
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
sources,
instead
of bringing money from their homeland.

Moreover
, Being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to find their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
specific profession.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, they
are rejected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they don’t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
confidence to communicate with professionals.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, youngster gains their experience to interact with a varied group of folks, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
gain their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Although, a recent research initiates that the person who do extra work during their course, they have more guts than graduates person.

To put in a nutshell, I pen down and say that work during education is the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of our life, which results to achieve our aims and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to tackle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
problems.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay The older generation tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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