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The older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view? v.1

The older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life. with this view? v. 1
It is believed that to prepare young people, about the methods of living, thinking and behaving, traditional methods are beneficial. Although older people have an advantage for their thinking. I believe there is a need for a different perspective on the way of living. At the outset, older living standards were built to live a happy life. It is because our forefathers believe in a work-life balance culture. The stress in those times was given on equal time and energy for both the family and professions. Whereas, these days it is just upside down as increasing the tension in relations is a good example of it. Further, owing to joint family culture, children can learn social and moral values from the senior family members. Therefore, they tend to love, respect and empathise with their kith and kins. On the other hand, due to the globalisation, upcoming generations must live with modern standards. Firstly, nowadays, there is a trend of women at the workplace to assist male members to meet the ends. Nonetheless, this approach has never been thought about by older generations. Secondly, it is pretty common to talk with strangers, both at institutes and workplaces. Because to acquire better job opportunities, it is imperative to go beyond the comfort zone to make new relations. Otherwise, children with the older mindsets could lag due to dearth of this trait. Lastly, racism has been reduced to a great extent due to modern values, which is good to improve relations and integrity at the world level. In conclusion, this essay compared two disparate approaches to be used in teaching methods. While older traditional methods were useful for the previous generation, from my viewpoint children had better learn new methods to live, think and behave to keep pace with modern humanity.
It
is believed
that to prepare young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
of living, thinking and behaving, traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
are beneficial. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have an advantage for their thinking. I believe there is a need for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspective on the way of living.

At the outset,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
living standards
were built
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a happy life. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
our forefathers believe in a work-life balance culture. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in those times was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
on equal time and energy for both the family and professions.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, these days it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
upside down as increasing the tension in relations is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of it.
Further
, owing to joint family culture, children can learn social and moral values from the senior family members.
Therefore
, they tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, respect and
Possible spelling mistake. 'empathise' is British English.
empathise
with their kith and
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "kin", the plural form of the noun 'kin'?
kins
.

On the other hand
, due to the
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
, upcoming generations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with modern standards.
Firstly
, nowadays, there is a trend of women at the workplace to assist male members to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the ends. Nonetheless, this approach has never been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
about by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
generations.
Secondly
, it is pretty common to talk with strangers, both at institutes and workplaces.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
to acquire better job opportunities, it is imperative to go beyond the comfort zone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new relations.
Otherwise
, children with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
mindsets could lag due to dearth of this trait.
Lastly
, racism has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to a great extent due to modern values, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
relations and integrity at the world level.

In conclusion
, this essay compared two disparate approaches to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
were useful for the previous generation, from my viewpoint children had better learn new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and behave to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
pace with modern humanity.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay The older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life. with this view? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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