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The old tradition of a family having a meal together is disappearing. Why do you think is this happening? How does it affect individuals and the community? v.1

The old tradition of a family having a meal together is disappearing. Why do you think is this happening? How does it affect individuals and the community? v. 1
Nowadays, family reunions at mealtimes are on the decline. From my point of view, there are various reasons behind this issue damaging both people and society by isolating members of the public. Having said that, different factors contribute to this problem. Due to modern gadgets, people are surrounded by accessible diversions, smartphones and computers as examples; thus, the number one cause is media-saturated society. People, especially children, are more inclined to spend their time on their own and interact less with their family, particularly at dining time. For example, offsprings prefer to watch a cartoon while they are eating rather than to talk to their parents. Furtheremore, work timetables have been extended to five in the afternoons, meaning many parents have to eat their lunch at work. Even about dinner time, they might be exhausted and prefer to rest. To illustrate that, consider a mother who is also a nurse and came home after eight hours taking care of patients. She would not be energetic enough to prepare food. Therefore, family members would be deprived of eating together. Not only do this trend have irreplaceable consequences on individuals but also on the societies. In this regard, people gradually feel more lonely and isolated since they are more frequently communicate with people through the virtual world rather than in real life. As a result, they are highly likely to suffer from depression which in turn will affect the whole society. In other words, the more depressed people are, the less productive would be the community. Consider a situation in which numerous members of a country have no passion to concentrate on their job. It is clear that such country will not have any prosperity. In conclusion, fewer families eat their meals together these days. I think the most significant cause affecting this topic is technical developments which would have problematic influences on humans, both individually and collectively.
Nowadays,
family
reunions at mealtimes are on the decline. From my point of view, there are various reasons behind this issue damaging both
people
and
society
by isolating members of the public.

Having said that,
different
factors contribute to this problem. Due to modern gadgets,
people
are surrounded
by accessible diversions, smartphones and computers as examples;
thus
, the number one cause is media-saturated
society
.
People
,
especially
children, are more inclined to spend their time on their
own
and interact less with their
family
,
particularly
at dining time.
For example
,
offsprings
prefer to
watch
a cartoon while they are eating
rather
than to talk to their parents.
Furtheremore
, work timetables have
been extended
to five in the afternoons, meaning
many
parents
have to
eat their lunch at work. Even about dinner time, they might
be exhausted
and prefer to rest. To illustrate that, consider a mother who is
also
a nurse and came home after eight hours taking care of patients. She would not be energetic
enough
to prepare food.
Therefore
,
family
members would
be deprived
of eating together.

Not
only
do this trend have irreplaceable consequences on individuals
but
also
on the
societies
. In this regard,
people
gradually
feel more lonely and isolated since they are more
frequently
communicate with
people
through the virtual world
rather
than in real life.
As a result
, they are
highly
likely to suffer from depression which in turn will affect the whole
society
.
In other words
, the more depressed
people
are, the less productive would be the community. Consider a situation in which numerous members of a country have no passion to concentrate on their job. It is
clear
that such country will not have any prosperity.

In conclusion
, fewer
families
eat their meals together these days. I
think
the most significant cause affecting this topic is technical developments which would have problematic influences on humans, both
individually
and
collectively
.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The old tradition of a family having a meal together is disappearing. Why do you think is this happening? How does it affect individuals and the community? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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