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In many countries, the tradition of families having meal together is disappearing. Why is this happening? What will be the effects of it on the family and society. v.2

In many countries, the tradition of families having meal together is disappearing. Why is this happening? What will be the effects of it on the family and society. v. 2
Nowadays, with the effects of modernization in individuals as well as society lifestyle. All the traditions are disappearing. Family members have no time for each other. Even though, the tradition of having meal together is longer there and this is due to more involvement towards their work, socializing with their friends. But, I believe meal time in the only time when all the family member sit together and listen each other and have pleasure. There are number of causes why people get less time with their families. Firstly, thesedays, all the people are running in the race of earning more and more money As a consequences, youngster spend lot of their time outside on work and eat as per there convenience separately. Moreover, in metro cities, teenagers are more involved into the social media. As a result, they spend their valuable time on electronic gadgets. Also, they stay apart from their elders and siblings. For example, as per the survey it shows that even during having meal time all generation people spend 70% of their time in electronic gadgets. On the other hand, increase in this problem not only affect individuals as well as society. Firstly, due to lack of communication can lead into various psychological problems such as anxiety, depression and loss of self-confidence. Furthermore, people interaction with their family member is reducing because of other factors. As a result, of this expression of love and care is also less among family members. In conclusion, I believe due to modern lifestyle and work preferences people chose to eat alone as their suitability. So, it people responsibility to arrange their life cycle such a way that they can at least have one meal at same time, where everyone can show their gestures for each other’s.
Nowadays, with the effects of modernization in individuals
as well
as society lifestyle. All the traditions are disappearing.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Family
members have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
Even though
, the tradition of having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meal
together is longer there and this is due to more involvement towards their work, socializing with their friends.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
when all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
member sit together and listen each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and have pleasure.

There are number of causes why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
Firstly
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
thesedays
, all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are running in the race of earning more and more money As
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a consequence" or simply "consequences"?
a consequences
, youngster spend
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
outside on work and eat as per there convenience
separately
.
Moreover
, in metro cities,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are more involved into the social media.
As a result
, they spend their valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on electronic gadgets.
Also
, they stay apart from their elders and siblings.
For example
, as per the survey it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that even during having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
all generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend 70% of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in electronic gadgets.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, increase in this problem not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affect individuals
as well
as society.
Firstly
, due to lack of communication can lead into various psychological problems such as anxiety, depression and loss of self-confidence.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
interaction with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
member is reducing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors.
As a result
, of this expression of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and care is
also
less among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.

In conclusion
, I believe due to modern lifestyle and work preferences
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
chose to eat alone as their suitability.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it
Did you mean "peoples"?
people
responsibility to arrange their life cycle such a way that they can at least have one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meal
at same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, where everyone can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their gestures for each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other’s
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, the tradition of families having meal together is disappearing. Why is this happening? What will be the effects of it on the family and society. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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