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The obesity rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many developed countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggestions. v.1

The obesity rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many developed countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggestions. v. 1
In recent years, the technology has changed the way we read by implementing an alternative to books. The demand for e-books in recent times have become increasingly popular as many individuals believe that this is the best step forward While others think that it has downsides. This essay will discuss both pros and cons of this new trend. To begin with, looking at the advantages of e-books there is a sharp decrease in deforestation rates because of this technology. If this is continued forever, we can save the planet from cutting down of trees for the manufacturing of paper for books. Another positive is that one can carry thousands of materials in electronic devices without carrying books physically. For instance, students in secondary high school used to carry more books and now this has changed completely to e-books. Thus, there are more upsides of this new trend. On the other side of the argument, many think that it has negative impacts when compared to the advantages. These people have reasons to believe that because it is showing damaging to people's health. In detail, if one reads the e-books continuously for hours, it can show detrimental outcomes for people's health, especially on the eyes. As a result, many teenagers are facing cataract problems at a young age. Another disadvantage is that, by having e-books, one can miss the authenticity of reading books physically. Thus, it has a negative impacts on individual lives. To conclude, with the significant increase in e-books there is a sharp decrease in paper books. Although this technology has many disadvantages such as health problems, it can help save the planet from chopping down of trees. Personally, I believe the advantages of e-books outweighs the disadvantages.
In recent years, the technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way we read by implementing an alternative to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. The demand for e-books in recent times have become
increasingly
popular as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals believe that this is the best step forward While others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it has downsides. This essay will discuss both pros and cons of this new trend.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, looking at the advantages of e-books there is a sharp decrease in deforestation rates
because of this
technology. If this
is continued
forever, we can save the planet from cutting down of trees for the manufacturing of paper for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
is that one can carry thousands of materials in electronic devices without carrying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
physically
.
For instance
, students in secondary high school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to carry more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
this has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
completely to e-books.
Thus
, there are more upsides of this new trend.

On the other side of the argument,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts when compared to the advantages. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have reasons to believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is showing damaging to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health. In detail, if one reads the e-books
continuously
for hours, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
detrimental outcomes for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health,
especially
on the eyes.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are facing cataract problems at a young age. Another disadvantage is that, by having e-books, one can miss the authenticity of reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
physically
.
Thus
, it has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

To conclude
, with the significant increase in e-books there is a sharp decrease in paper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. Although this technology has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages such as health problems, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
save the planet from chopping down of trees.
Personally
, I believe the advantages of e-books outweighs the disadvantages.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The obesity rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many developed countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggestions. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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