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Leisure is a growing industry, but people no longer entertain themselves as much as they used to because the use of modern technology has made them less creative. v.1

Leisure is a growing industry, but people no longer entertain themselves as much as they used to because the use of modern technology has made them less creative. v. 1
Due to the evolution of new technologies, travelling to remote places has become possible, these days. I believe that the negatives of the mentioned trend outweigh the positives and this essay will explain the reasons for that. On the one hand, visiting the isolated areas has some benefits. Firstly, such travel experience can be enthusiastic. Since, going to other countries or cities are pretty common nowadays, it would be more exciting to fly to distant locations of earth such as the South pole or the Amazon Rainforest. This type of journey provides not only valuable experiences, but also unforgettable memories. For instance, in North Pole, scientists can learn extensively about the natural habitat of Polar bears and the living conditions, because usually they live away from humans. However, certain risks are involved in such kind of adventurous trips. Initially, most of these remote natural locations are treacherous to opt for travel. Specifically, the temperature at the South Pole is extremely low, in which the survival of humankind can be quite complex and even cause health related issues. Apart from that, journey to dense forests involves few dangers of being attacked by the wild animals. Due to these, before travelling to these isolated regions, people need to consider huge safety measures which cause them to spend exorbitantly to arrange similar voyages. Therefore, it seems only affluent individuals and scientists can only able to afford this activity. To conclude, although arranging long travel to distant parts of the earth might be exciting, there are a myriad of dangers associated with it. From this essay, it is evident that the disadvantages of this trend outweigh the advantages.
Due to the evolution of new technologies, travelling to remote places has become possible, these days. I believe that the negatives of the mentioned trend outweigh the positives and this essay will
explain
the reasons for that.

On the one hand, visiting the isolated areas has
some
benefits.
Firstly
, such travel experience can be enthusiastic. Since, going to other countries or cities are pretty common nowadays, it would be more exciting to
fly
to distant locations of earth such as the
South pole
or the Amazon Rainforest. This type of journey provides not
only
valuable experiences,
but
also
unforgettable memories.
For instance
,
in North Pole
, scientists can learn
extensively
about the natural habitat of Polar bears and the living conditions,
because
usually
they
live
away from humans.

However
, certain
risks
are involved
in such kind of adventurous trips.
Initially
, most of these remote natural locations are treacherous to opt for travel.
Specifically
, the temperature at the South Pole is
extremely
low, in which the survival of humankind can be quite complex and even cause health related issues. Apart from that, journey to dense forests involves few
dangers
of
being attacked
by the wild animals. Due to these,
before
travelling to these isolated regions,
people
need to consider huge safety measures which cause them to spend
exorbitantly
to arrange similar voyages.
Therefore
, it seems
only
affluent individuals and scientists can
only
able to afford this activity.

To conclude
, although arranging long travel to distant parts of the earth might be exciting, there are a
myriad
of
dangers
associated with it. From this essay, it is evident that the disadvantages of this trend outweigh the advantages.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Leisure is a growing industry, but people no longer entertain themselves as much as they used to because the use of modern technology has made them less creative. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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