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You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. Write at least 250 words. v.15

: The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions. v. 15
In today’s modern world, in recent times, it has been a controversial issue frequently generating a great deal of heated debate whether some parts of the world, the students graduating their high school should take a gap between school and institutions with the aim of working or travelling. However, in my opinion, it is not so positive idea to begin university life one year later. The advocates of this issue claim that there are many beneficial advantages that are remarkable, must be emphasized, which can show its precious results in the future. Firstly, it should be noted that, these students can get an adequate amount of time, regarded as a crucially important, which enable them to study hard for the examination they will take part in, the next year. To be more precise, excluded from only working and travelling, they are able to allocate sufficient enough time for enriching their skills they have developed over the years. Secondly, moreover, they can enrich their experience as well as knowledge concerning with works that is acknowledged as valuable opportunity being of great benefit to their CV and offering many advantages for their later careers. Finally, because of the second thing, namely, travelling, they would have the chance of seeing many ravishing and majestic cities located in many parts of the world, particularly, Paris, New York, London, etc. On the other hand, there has always been a great deal of widespread opposition to this statement by the opponents. The campaigns have objected that, earning money meanwhile working in any place may sway them from studying due to they start to get salary without higher education. In addition, while the gap year, not all students may have a strong desire for using their skills and abilities, they have acquired during the school yearyear, associated with their study. Consequently because of these negative factors given above it is clear that they may give up studying. On top of it, it may seem that, they are wasting a year of their life. In conclusion, it is obvious that it mostly hinges on the person making a decision, it would be better for them if they do not spend time for unnecessary works during this year.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s modern world, in recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, it has been a controversial issue
frequently
generating a great deal of heated debate whether
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of the world, the students
The verb 'to graduate' requires the preposition 'from': "graduating from".
graduating
their high school should take a gap between school and institutions with the aim of working or travelling.
However
, in my opinion, it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
university life one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
later.

The advocates of this issue claim that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
beneficial advantages that are remarkable,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be emphasized
, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
its precious results in the future.
Firstly
, it should
be noted
that, these students can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an adequate amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, regarded as a
crucially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, which enable them to study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for the examination they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in, the
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. To be more precise, excluded from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
working and travelling, they are able to allocate sufficient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for enriching their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
they have developed over the years.
Secondly
,
moreover
, they can enrich their experience
as well
as knowledge concerning with works that
is acknowledged
as valuable opportunity being of great benefit to their CV and offering
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages for their later careers.
Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the second thing,
namely
, travelling, they would have the chance of seeing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ravishing and majestic cities located in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world,
particularly
, Paris, New York, London, etc.

On the other hand
, there has always been a great deal of widespread opposition to this statement by the opponents. The campaigns have objected that, earning money meanwhile working in any place may sway them from studying due to they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
salary without higher education.
In addition
, while the gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, not all students may have a strong desire for using their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and abilities, they have acquired during the school
Possible spelling mistake found.
yearyear
, associated with their study.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Consequently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
factors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
above it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that they may give up studying. On top of it, it may seem that, they are wasting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of their life.

In conclusion
, it is obvious that it
mostly
hinges on the person making a decision, it would be better for them if they do not spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for unnecessary works during this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay : The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions. v. 15

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
369 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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