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Some people think that hard working and determination are the key factors for being successful in the life other people feel that other factors are important Discuss both sides what is your opinion v.1

Some people think that hard working and determination are the key factors for being successful in the life other people feel that other factors are important 1
In this day and age, most of the populace chooses to interact with others through Whatsapp, messenger and online mail rather than meeting them in person. This is the most possible method to communicate with people who are living in other countries and when people are nearby it is essential to contact them by visiting to their places. To begin with, when people residing in different nations such as the US, UK, Canada and so on, text messages and email are the most convenient method for communication. That is because it is not affordable for everyone to travel long distance and know their well-beings. Moreover, the advancement of technology made the person's life easier to contact their peers and relatives. For example, people working in abroad are using the social media to interact with their parents at any time without spending more amounts. Thus, this is the best way of reaching out to their family members and friends on their own time. However, it is significant to meet the person and get in touch with them when they are nearby to our places. For instance, interaction with neighbours or relatives residing near to our home can be contacted by visiting them in person. In other words, people prefer to use the technology to contact their neighbours need to be reduced and they have to be in touch with them by having face to face conversation. Therefore, by this way, the relationship will be developed and glued to the gadgets will be minimised. In conclusion, in this fast paced world, communication has been made easier through sending text message and email rather that having eye to eye interaction because of the long distance people are living. Despite this, people have to have confronting when they are close to us.
In this day and age, most of the populace chooses to interact with others through
Possible spelling mistake found.
Whatsapp
, messenger and online mail
rather
than meeting them in person. This is the most possible method to communicate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are living in other countries and when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are nearby it is essential to contact them by visiting to their places.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
residing in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations such as the US, UK, Canada and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, text messages and email are the most convenient method for communication.
That is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is not affordable for everyone to travel long distance and know their well-beings.
Moreover
, the advancement of technology made the person's life easier to contact their peers and relatives.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working in abroad are using the social media to interact with their parents at any time without spending more amounts.
Thus
, this is the best way of reaching out to their family members and friends on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
time.

However
, it is significant to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the person and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in touch with them when they are nearby to our places.
For instance
, interaction with
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
or relatives residing near to our home can
be contacted
by visiting them in person.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the technology to contact their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
need to be
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
reduced and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be in touch with them by having face to face conversation.
Therefore
, by this way, the relationship will
be developed
and glued to the gadgets will be
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimised' is British English.
minimised
.

In conclusion
, in this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced world, communication has
been made
easier through sending text message and email
rather
that having eye to eye interaction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the long distance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living. Despite this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
have confronting when they are close to us.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that hard working and determination are the key factors for being successful in the life other people feel that other factors are important 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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