Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The bar chart shows the relative electricity consumption and cost per year of various household devices Write a 150 word report for a university lecturer explaining the data and making comparisons where relevant v.1

The bar chart shows the relative electricity consumption and cost per year of various household devices Write a 150 word report for a university lecturer explaining the data and making comparisons where relevant v. 1
Teenagers concentrating more on the subject of their interest are debatable. Some people claim that they need to focus on all subjects, however, others feel they must focus on the subjects of their interest in school. This essay will discuss and explain why it is important for teenagers to focus on all subjects while at school. Firstly, every subject is equally important in school because of formal examination. A student need to get good score in all subjects in order to move ahead to the next class. In addition, overall score in the exit examination is the deciding factor for getting admission in some good pre university colleges. For instance, I got admission in one of the prestigious pre-university colleges in my town, because of the good overall percentage in my 10th standard examination. Moreover, just because a student is good in mathematics, he cannot ignore the English language, especially at school level because, ultimately overall score is what that matters. Secondly, formal education is designed in such a way that every subject will help the student to develop their overall personality. In other words, a teenager who is interested in science cannot give a confident speech on his science project, if he cannot use good English vocabulary. Therefore, all the subjects play a key role in preparing a teenager to face the outside world in their future. Moreover, teenagers are energetic and enthusiastic to gain knowledge in multiple subjects. For example, renowned scientist Sir Albert Einstein was also good in poetry, although he did not contribute much in this field. In conclusion, focussing on all subjects is essential at school level for a teenager, in order to move on to the next level and for the sake of overall development.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teenagers
concentrating more on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
of their interest are debatable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that they need to focus on all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
however
, others feel they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
focus on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
of their interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. This essay will discuss and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
to focus on all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
while at school.

Firstly
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of formal examination. A student need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
score in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
ahead to the
next
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overall
score in the exit examination is the deciding factor for getting admission in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre
university colleges.
For instance
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
admission in one of the prestigious
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-university
colleges in my town,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overall
percentage in my 10th standard examination.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a student is
Use "good at" to mean "skilled" with school subjects. Try this: "good at mathematics".
good in mathematics
, he cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the English language,
especially
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
level
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
ultimately
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overall
score is what that matters.

Secondly
, formal education
is designed
in such a way that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the student to develop their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overall
personality.
In other words
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
who
is interested
in science cannot give a confident speech on his science project, if he cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
English vocabulary.
Therefore
, all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
play a key role in preparing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
to face the outside world in their future.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
are energetic and enthusiastic to gain knowledge in multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
For example
, renowned scientist Sir Albert Einstein was
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
in poetry, although he did not contribute much in this field.

In conclusion
, focussing on all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is essential at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
level for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
on to the
next
level and for the sake of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overall
development.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The bar chart shows the relative electricity consumption and cost per year of various household devices Write a 150 word report for a university lecturer explaining the data and making comparisons where relevant v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts