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The tables below show the value of Australia's trade with China, the USA and Japan from 2012-2015 in billions of Australian dollars. v.1

The tables below show the value of Australia's trade with China, the USA and Japan from 2012-2015 in billions of Australian dollars. v. 1
People have different views about whether children should start their formal education as early as possible or delay it until they are older. Personally, I believe an early commencement of study would be far more beneficial than a later start. Firstly, starting school at a young age would generate a number of positive outcomes. Undeniably, the younger an individual is, the easier it is for them to acquire new knowledge and information. As a result, these children would have a head start over their peers pursuing higher education. Besides this, they would have more opportunity to figure out their natural talents. Most Vietnamese children, for example, are sent to kindergarten at the age of 3 or 4 where they are taught basic skills such as addition and subtraction. After a couple of months, those showing potential will be further cared for by teachers with an aim to train them to become specialized students who can represent their school in national and international competitions in the not-too-distant future. On the other hand, however, several individuals advocate a later start to formal schooling due to a number of reasons. It is believed that commencing school at a later age will offer kids more time to learn many things via their parents at home. As a result, these children will become more mature and integrate more easily into the educational environment in the upcoming years. In addition, it might also be more beneficial for children to have a childhood in which they can cultivate their own skills and interests through normal activities at home. Personally, I believe that such ideas are flawed because delaying schooling reduces the opportunity for social interaction. Despite being safe with their parents at home, the children would have fewer chances to engage in extracurricular activities which would equip them with vital soft skills including teamwork and communication skills. Not to mention, while not at school, many children tend to lead an unhealthy lifestyle as their free time is devoted to online games, which gradually isolate them from society. To conclude, I do believe that it would be well-advised that parents send their children to school at an early age.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their formal education as early as possible or delay it until they are older.
Personally
, I believe an early commencement of study would be far more beneficial than a later
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
.

Firstly
, starting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at a young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
would generate a number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcomes.
Undeniably
, the younger an individual is, the easier it is for them to acquire new knowledge and information.
As a result
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would have a head
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
over their peers pursuing higher education.
Besides
this, they would have more opportunity to figure out their natural talents. Most Vietnamese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
for example
, are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to kindergarten at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 3 or 4 where they
are taught
basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as addition and subtraction. After a couple of months, those showing potential will be
further
cared for by teachers with an aim to train them to become specialized students who can represent their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in national and international competitions in the not-too-distant future.

On the other hand
,
however
, several individuals advocate a later
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to formal schooling due to a number of reasons. It
is believed
that commencing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at a later
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
will offer kids more time to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things via their parents at home.
As a result
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will become more mature and integrate more
easily
into the educational environment in the upcoming years.
In addition
, it might
also
be more beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have a childhood in which they can cultivate their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and interests through normal activities at home.

Personally
, I believe that such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
are flawed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
delaying schooling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the opportunity for social interaction. Despite being safe with their parents at home, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would have fewer chances to engage in extracurricular activities which would equip them with vital soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
including teamwork and communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. Not to mention, while not at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to lead an unhealthy lifestyle as their free time
is devoted
to online games, which
gradually
isolate them from society.

To conclude
, I do believe that it would be well-advised that parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at an early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay The tables below show the value of Australia's trade with China, the USA and Japan from 2012-2015 in billions of Australian dollars. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
361 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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