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The number of people working online from home has grown in some countries. What advantages and disadvantages can come of this trend? v.3

The number of people working online from home has grown in some countries. What advantages and disadvantages can come of this trend? v. 3
Nowadays, the question of whether extreme sports, like skydiving or skiing, should be banned or not, have been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although this prohibition appears plausible in some ways, extreme sports should be welcomed more. On the one hand, there are several reasons why vigorous sports should be banned. First, since the inherently dangerous nature of these kinds of sports can threaten lives, it should not be allowed to people. In fact, participants are prone to suffering from unpredictably serious injuries, such as bone fractures or head trauma, which can be detrimental to their physical and mental health. Second, by taking part in these luxurious forms of sports, people have to pay a great amount of money. This means that entrance and insurance fees are prohibitively expensive, making them unaffordable to all people. Nevertheless, risky sports has its unique benefits. First, since the original purpose of those sports is survival skills, which helps them to undergo appropriate training so that the dangers are minimised. For example, pilots will know how to parachute and if people live in heavy-snow countries, they will learn how to move in awful weather, which helps them to save people's lives. Second, since the proliferation of protective equipment, participants alleviate the possibility of accidents. For instance, the skier is armed with ski-bindings, hamlets or protective gear, which helps players to ensure little risks. In conclusion, extreme sport has some existed drawbacks, the benefits would be more considered. By consolidating all mentioned pitfall, players can reap more great benefits and survival skills.
Nowadays,
the question of whether
extreme
sports
, like skydiving or skiing, should
be banned
or not, have been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although this prohibition appears plausible in
some
ways, extreme
sports
should
be welcomed
more.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why vigorous
sports
should
be banned
.
First
, since the
inherently
dangerous
nature of these kinds of
sports
can threaten
lives
, it should not be
allowed
to
people
. In fact, participants are prone to suffering from
unpredictably
serious injuries, such as bone fractures or head trauma, which can be detrimental to their physical and mental health. Second, by taking part in these luxurious forms of
sports
,
people
have to
pay a great amount of money. This means that entrance and insurance fees are
prohibitively
expensive, making them unaffordable to all
people
.

Nevertheless
, risky
sports
has its unique benefits.
First
, since the original purpose of those
sports
is survival
skills
, which
helps
them to undergo appropriate training
so
that the
dangers
are
minimised
.
For example
, pilots will know how to parachute and if
people
live
in heavy-snow countries, they will learn how to
move
in awful weather, which
helps
them to save
people
's
lives
. Second, since the proliferation of protective equipment, participants alleviate the possibility of accidents.
For instance
, the skier
is armed
with ski-bindings, hamlets or protective gear, which
helps
players to ensure
little
risks
.

In conclusion
, extreme
sport
has
some
existed drawbacks, the benefits would be more considered. By consolidating all mentioned pitfall, players can reap more great benefits and survival
skills
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The number of people working online from home has grown in some countries. What advantages and disadvantages can come of this trend? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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