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In many countries people like to eat a wider variety of food then can be grown in their local area as a result much of the food people eat today has to come from another region do you think the advantages of this development overweight the disadvantages. v.1

In many countries people like to eat a wider variety of food then can be grown in their local area as a result much of the food people eat today has to come from another region do you think the advantages of this development overweight the disadvantages. v. 1
It is irrefutable that the majority of the masses are becoming glutton, due to greater availability of variety of food which is imported from other foreign countries rather than grown in their own regions. I agree with this statement that the advantages of this trend overweight the disadvantages, I would like to explicit about both the advantages and disadvantages in the upcoming paragraphs. To begin with, there are various advantages of imported food, especially for working people those spend their most of the time in their offices to to earn more money and they do the hard work to fulfil their basic needs. Thus, due to less time they prefer to eat canned food rather than to cook food in their homes. Moreover, another advantage of foreign food is that it provides job opportunity for unemployed people such as chief job and home delivery job which is also beneficial for vendor and customer also. That shopkeeper earns higher margin form foreign food and consumer get easily food in their home in less duration of time. On the other hand, imported food has myriad disadvantages for each and every age of a person. First and foremost disadvantage is that individuals are becoming overweight, which increase the diseases in their life like diabetes, obesity and sleep deprivation. In addition to this, value of homemade food is reduced, because interested of the people is toward outside food despite of local food. A survey conducted that the majority of youngsters are suffering from obesity and stress due to consuming large quantity of unhealthy food. In conclusion, food which has come from foreign countries have advantages; it has disadvantages more as compared to the advantages. The government should take strict steps to reduce the interest of the masses towards Unhygienic food, With this step, a drastic change can be seen in the economy of the nation, and the economy of the country would be increased when people would be starting to eat their local country’s food instead of foreign food.
It is irrefutable that the majority of the masses are becoming glutton, due to greater availability of variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which
is imported
from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
rather
than grown in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
regions. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
of this trend overweight the disadvantages, I would like to explicit about both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
and disadvantages in the upcoming paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
of imported
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
especially
for working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
those spend their most of the time in their offices
Possible typo: you repeated a word
to to
earn more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money and
they do the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work to fulfil their basic needs.
Thus
, due to less time they prefer to eat canned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
rather
than to cook
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in their homes.
Moreover
, another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is that it provides job opportunity for unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as chief job and home delivery job which is
also
beneficial for vendor and customer
also
. That shopkeeper earns higher margin form
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
easily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in their home in less duration of time.

On the other hand
, imported
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has myriad disadvantages for each and every age of a person.
First
and foremost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disadvantage
is that individuals are becoming overweight, which increase the diseases in their life like diabetes, obesity and sleep deprivation.
In addition
to this, value of homemade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
interested of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is toward outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. A survey conducted that the majority of youngsters are suffering from obesity and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
due to consuming large quantity of unhealthy food.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
; it has disadvantages more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take strict steps to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the interest of the masses towards Unhygienic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, With this step, a drastic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the economy of the nation, and the economy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
would
be increased
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would be starting to eat their local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries people like to eat a wider variety of food then can be grown in their local area as a result much of the food people eat today has to come from another region do you think the advantages of this development overweight the disadvantages. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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