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The number of people working online from home has grown in some countries. What advantages and disadvantages can come of this trend? v.1

The number of people working online from home has grown in some countries. What advantages and disadvantages can come of this trend? v. 1
Nowadays, the technology provides the opportunity to be a worker and earn for life without being obliged to get to an office. This modern lifestyle has both its benefits and downsides, which I will discuss below. On the one hand, the advantages people enjoy from online jobs are varied. Instead of spending precious time and more on getting to a workplace, one can use those resources on doing more and earning more. Online jobs are also convenient, for a worker can afford other things parallel. For instance, if someone cannot leave alone his/her children or another family member who needs care, freelancing would be a very good solution in that situation. Apart from that, people do not have to buy clothes especially for the office appearance. On the contrary, they can wear whatever they wish, since there is no any dress code at home. On the other hand, there are still some drawbacks, which should be taken into consideration. Though some recent studies have shown that people use only two third of their time on job issues, while they are in offices, the importance of socialization should not be underestimated. The relations, small talks, even arguments workers have among each other help them to feel a commitment, not to be isolated. While the online workers are more likely to isolate themselves in their private worlds, which one of the short ways to the depression and other mental problems. To sum up, the vast job opportunities the internet offers today to employees are very attractive and helpful, but from my personal view, it can cause a lot of communicational problems as well.
Nowadays, the technology provides the opportunity to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
and earn for life without
being obliged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to an office. This modern lifestyle has both its benefits and downsides, which I will discuss below.

On the one hand, the advantages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
enjoy from online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are varied
.
Instead
of spending precious time and more on getting to a workplace, one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
those resources on doing more and earning more. Online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are
also
convenient, for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
can afford
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things parallel.
For instance
, if someone cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
alone his/her children or another family member who needs care, freelancing would be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
solution in that situation. Apart from that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
clothes
especially
for the office appearance.
On the contrary
, they can wear whatever they wish, since there is
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
any dress code at home.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks, which should
be taken
into consideration. Though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
recent studies have shown that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
two third of their time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
issues, while they are in offices, the importance of socialization should not
be underestimated
. The relations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
talks, even arguments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
have among each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to feel a commitment, not to
be isolated
. While the online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
are more likely to isolate themselves in their private worlds, which one of the short ways to the depression and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
mental problems.

To sum up, the vast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities the internet offers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
to employees are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
attractive and helpful,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
from my personal view, it can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
Possible spelling mistake found.
communicational
problems
as well
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay The number of people working online from home has grown in some countries. What advantages and disadvantages can come of this trend? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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