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The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth of in overweight people in society? How can this problem be solved? v.9

The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth of in overweight people in society? How can this problem be solved? v. 9
Obesity has become very common characteristic of the mankind in last few decades, which the potential cause of severe health issues to the community. The major responsible factors for the exorbitant numbers of overweight people in society as well as the remedies to curb such endangered problem is discussed in following paragraphs. To begin with, the main sources of imposing overweight problem to a layman are a sedentary lifestyle and unhealthy diet. With the advancement in technology, the standard of living of an individual has been improved. As a result, the physical activities have declined and gradually the people are having a sedentary lifestyle. Moreover, in this fast paced life, the people are not conscious about their diet. Hence, they are more inclined to fast-food and unhealthy dietary, instead of healthy homemade food. Such a habit accelerates the issue of obesity in the community. For instance, the World Health Organisation had done survey last year and revealed that the 65% of people in the USA were suffering from the overweight trouble due to their sedentary lifestyle and improper dietary. To overcome such a potential threat to the mankind, people should practice few precautionary steps such as to adopt healthy food habits and to put efforts for regular exercise. A person should have to play his favourite sports regularly; thus, the physical activity will be carried out and it boosts his metabolism, which resists the obesity issue. Furthermore, the consumption of nutritious food boost up the energy of an individual and overweight issue can be eliminated. For example, the sports person will never face obesity issues in his career because of regular exercise and fitness consciousness. Thus, these practises are useful to mitigate the issue of the overweight and build healthy and prosperous civilization. In conclusion, the obesity is the most common threat to the human being in recent times; that introduces many hazardous health issues. The people should practice doing regular exercise and control their diet to curb this soaring issue. The local regime should provide a sports centre to their local members and spread the awareness of a healthy diet to the public by advertisement and campaign.
Obesity has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common characteristic of the mankind in last few decades, which the potential cause of severe health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
to the community. The major responsible factors for the exorbitant numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in society
as well
as the remedies to curb such endangered problem
is discussed
in following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the main sources of imposing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
problem to a layman are a sedentary lifestyle and unhealthy diet. With the advancement in technology, the standard of living of an individual has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.
As a result
, the physical activities have declined and
gradually
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are having a sedentary lifestyle.
Moreover
, in this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced life, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not conscious about their diet.
Hence
, they are more inclined to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food and unhealthy dietary,
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
homemade food. Such a habit accelerates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
of obesity in the community.
For instance
, the World Health
Possible spelling mistake. 'Organisation' is British English.
Organisation
had done survey last year and revealed that the 65% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the USA were suffering from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
trouble due to their sedentary lifestyle and improper dietary.

To overcome such a potential threat to the mankind,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should practice few precautionary steps such as to adopt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
food habits and to put efforts for regular exercise. A person should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
play his
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
sports
regularly
;
thus
, the physical activity will
be carried
out and it boosts his metabolism, which resists the obesity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
.
Furthermore
, the consumption of nutritious food boost up the energy of an individual and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
can
be eliminated
.
For example
, the sports person will never face obesity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
in his career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of regular exercise and fitness consciousness.
Thus
, these
Possible spelling mistake. 'practises' is British English.
practises
are useful to mitigate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
and build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
and prosperous civilization.

In conclusion
, the obesity is the most common threat to the human being in recent times; that introduces
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hazardous health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should practice doing regular exercise and control their diet to curb this soaring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
. The local regime should provide a sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
to their local members and spread the awareness of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet to the public by advertisement and campaign.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth of in overweight people in society? How can this problem be solved? v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
358 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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