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10. It is sometimes said that a high salary is the most important factor in choosing a job. Do you agree? v.1

10. It is sometimes said that a high salary is the most important factor in choosing a job. Do you agree? v. 1
A section of society is convinced that the most important factors to consider in choosing a job is high salary. Whereas, others tend to disagree with this approach. In my opinion, I agree with the former school of thought as high package is one of the key elements to be considered while selecting a job. The principal reason for anybody to work is to earn lump sum take-home salary. In other words, people struggle to earn more to fund their needs and support their family with growing requirements. For instance, one of the surveys conducted by the World Employee Council demonstrated that seventy percent of the workers choose jobs that pays the, higher compensation. Consequently, employees are lured to high paying jobs in the job market to escalate their income to the next level. Secondly, another rationale to pick a high paying job is to uplift the economy of a family. In this fast-paced world, it is nearly impossible to handle a family with less pay scale, which is difficult to make ends meet. For example, research conducted by the UK government illustrated that seventy percent of employees choose to immigrate, as they are paid higher in the western countries, which enhances their lifestyle. As a result of better earnings the family's economy is enhanced, which converts their breakdowns into breakthroughs. In conclusion, my strong convection is that the most important element in choosing a job is high salary, as it not only supports the family's growing needs, but also boots the lifestyle of a family.
A section of society
is convinced
that the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors to consider in choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salary.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, others tend to disagree with this approach. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
package is one of the key elements to
be considered
while selecting a job.

The principal reason for anybody to work is to earn lump sum take-home salary.
In other words
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
struggle to earn more to fund their needs and support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
with growing requirements.
For instance
, one of the surveys conducted by the World Employee Council demonstrated that seventy percent of the workers choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
that pays
Did you forget something after 'the'?
the,
higher compensation.
Consequently
, employees
are lured
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market to escalate their income to the
next
level.

Secondly
, another rationale to pick a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is to uplift the economy of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. In this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced world, it is
nearly
impossible to handle a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
with less pay scale, which is difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
.
For example
, research conducted by the UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
illustrated that seventy percent of employees choose to immigrate, as they
are paid
higher in the western countries, which enhances their lifestyle.
As a result
of better earnings the family's economy
is enhanced
, which converts their breakdowns into breakthroughs.

In conclusion
, my strong convection is that the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
element in choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salary, as it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
supports the family's growing needs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
boots the lifestyle of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
To learn a language is to have one more window from which to look at the world.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay 10. It is sometimes said that a high salary is the most important factor in choosing a job. Do you agree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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