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The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth in overweight people in society? How can this problem be solved? v.3

The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth in overweight people in society? How can this problem be solved? v. 3
The escalation in the amount of public with serious health issues is because of obesity. The main reason behind this is bad eating habits, because of a busy work environment. The key factor to resolve such a problem is time management. In this essay, we will discuss how this problem is occurring, along with the best possible solution to it. Starting with, the main reason behind the high number of heavy people facing significant medical issues is poor nutrient intake because of the tight schedule. Due to work pressure and heavy workload, people do not get enough hours to cook or make food at home, therefore leading to junk food intake. This unhealthy consumption of meals leads to weight gain, which in a longer period of time leads to having disturbing health conditions. Henceforth, the rise in competitive work-life has brought the individuals to a phase, where they have to go through physical problems. However, society can avoid this deplorable condition by taking some measuring steps in their lifestyle. One can start managing time to grant a certain amount of time to make themselves healthy meals for the day. Making lunch and dinner would lead to less ingestion of street foodstuff, thus having fewer cases of obesity-related diseases. That is why the community should encourage on how to effectively plan for the reduction in the difficulty of medical problems happening because of outsized people. To conclude, it is always fruitful thought to be healthy and fit, and avoid unnecessary stress of the physical health problems. According to me, managing and having a certain amount of timetable to take care of our needs would make you a wealthy being.
The escalation in the amount of public with serious health issues is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of obesity. The main reason behind this is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
eating habits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a busy work environment.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
key factor to resolve such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management. In this essay, we will discuss how this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is occurring, along with the best possible solution to it.

Starting with, the main reason behind the high number of heavy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
facing significant medical issues is poor nutrient intake
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the tight schedule. Due to work pressure and heavy workload,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
hours to cook or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
food at home,
therefore
leading to junk food intake. This unhealthy consumption of meals leads to weight gain, which in a longer period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
leads to having disturbing health conditions. Henceforth, the rise in competitive work-life has brought the individuals to a phase, where they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go through physical problems.

However
, society can avoid this deplorable condition by taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measuring steps in their lifestyle. One can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
managing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to grant a certain amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
themselves healthy meals for the day. Making lunch and dinner would lead to less ingestion of street foodstuff,
thus
having fewer cases of obesity-related diseases.
That is
why the community should encourage on how to
effectively
plan for the reduction in the difficulty of medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
happening
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of outsized
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To conclude
, it is always fruitful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be healthy and fit, and avoid unnecessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of the physical health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, managing and having a certain amount of timetable to take care of our needs would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
you a wealthy being.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth in overweight people in society? How can this problem be solved? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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