Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reasons for the growth in overweight people in society? How can this problem be solved? v.6

The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reasons for the growth in overweight people in society? How can this problem be solved? v. 6
Nowadays, the advancement of technology and changes in lifestyles leads to many health related problems. It is a bitter truth that lots of people are suffering from the serious diseases like blood pressure, cholesterol, diabetes Etcetera, due to fat. I shall discuss the reasons, why overweight people are increasing? And also give some solutions to tackle this problem in the upcoming paragraphs. To commute with, there is a plethora of reasons behind this. Firstly, lack of physical activities in daily routine. Technology and automobile revolution makes people's life effortless. For instance, these days, individuals cover very small distance by using vehicles instead of walking. Secondly, the rate of overweight people is increasing because of their poor eating habits. Most people eat fast food which puts bad effects on their health. Thirdly, most of the individuals in the present day hold white collar jobs. Therefore, due to lack of physical hardworking in their jobs, they become obese. In order to tackle this problem, people should be aware about their health. They should eat homemade food instead of unhealthier junk food because balanced and healthy diet can control the weight. Moreover, regular physical exercises can reduce the possibility of getting overweight related issues. Humans should do fat burn exercises like swimming, running, jumping rope Etcetera. In addition, one should drink fresh juices, and a lot of water to reduce belly fat. To conclude, overweight is a serious obstacle, but it can be finished with the help of small changes in bad habits. The rate of obese people in society can be decreased by doing regular exercises and taking healthy diet.
Nowadays, the advancement of technology and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in lifestyles leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health related problems. It is a bitter truth that lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are suffering from the serious diseases like blood pressure, cholesterol, diabetes Etcetera, due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
. I shall discuss the reasons, why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are increasing? And
also
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to tackle this problem in the upcoming paragraphs.

To commute with, there is a plethora of reasons behind this.
Firstly
, lack of physical activities in daily routine. Technology and automobile revolution
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life effortless.
For instance
, these days, individuals cover
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
distance by using vehicles
instead
of walking.
Secondly
, the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is increasing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their poor eating habits. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food which puts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects on their health.
Thirdly
, most of the individuals in the present day hold white collar jobs.
Therefore
, due to lack of physical hardworking in their jobs, they become obese.

In order to tackle this problem,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be aware about their health. They should eat homemade food
instead
of unhealthier junk food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
balanced and healthy diet can control the weight.
Moreover
, regular physical exercises can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the possibility of getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
related issues. Humans should do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
burn exercises like swimming, running, jumping rope Etcetera.
In addition
, one should drink fresh juices, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
water to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
belly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
is a serious obstacle,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can
be finished
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits. The rate of obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in society can
be decreased
by doing regular exercises and taking healthy diet.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reasons for the growth in overweight people in society? How can this problem be solved? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts