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children should always follow parents' advice. to what extend do you agree with this view? v.1

children should always follow parents' advice. v. 1
It is thought that children should always adhere strictly to advice given by their parents. Personally, I partially agree with this view, and will give my reasons below. On the one hand, some parental advice would help develop children’s positive character traits, allowing them to grow up as good members of society. Children are not born to know what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour. Therefore, it may not be impossible for children to misbehave without their parents’ constructive suggestions. For example, most children are often taught during childhood to share their favourite toys with their friends, to always tell the truth, to treat others with respect, to help those who are less advantaged or needy people, and so on. This in turn may shape caring, thoughtful, responsible and well-mannered human beings when they reach adulthood. In this way, children could benefit greatly from listening to their parents. Nevertheless, I believe that children should not ask for consultation with parents before they make any crucial decision. To illustrate, when it comes to educational or career choices, it may be children who have the potential to make better decisions than anyone else. This is because many parents often wish their sons and daughters to follow in their footsteps. Therefore, they tend to suggest that their children choose a career path about which they may be not really passionate. In my view, children should follow their heart when making important choices in order to gain the greatest amount of satisfaction and fulfilment. In conclusion, while heeding to advice provided by parents can be seen as beneficial to children’s personality development, I am convinced that for their own sake, children should make their own decisions by themselves.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should always adhere
strictly
to advice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Personally
, I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view, and will give my reasons below.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parental advice would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
character traits, allowing them to grow up as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
members of society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are not born to know what is acceptable and unacceptable
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
Therefore
, it may not be impossible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to misbehave without their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
constructive suggestions.
For example
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
taught during childhood to share their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
toys with their friends, to always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
the truth, to treat others with respect, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
those who are less advantaged or needy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. This in turn may shape caring, thoughtful, responsible and well-mannered human beings when they reach adulthood. In this way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could benefit
greatly
from listening to their parents.

Nevertheless
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
consultation with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any crucial decision. To illustrate, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to educational or career choices, it may be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who have the potential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better decisions than anyone else. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
wish their sons and daughters to follow in their footsteps.
Therefore
, they tend to suggest that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
choose a career path about which they may be not
really
passionate. In my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should follow their heart when making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
choices in order to gain the greatest amount of satisfaction and
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
.

In conclusion
, while heeding to advice provided by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
personality development, I
am convinced
that for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
sake,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions by themselves.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay children should always follow parents' advice. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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