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The number of people suffering from health problems caused by a modern lifestyle which cannot be treated with modern medicines. Some people believe that alternative medicine can help. Do you agree that alternative medicines are effective? v.2

The number of people suffering from health problems caused by a modern lifestyle which cannot be treated with modern medicines. Some people believe that alternative medicine can help. Do you agree that alternative medicines are effective? v. 2
This essay will discuss why the method of medication is such a debatable topic. In my opinion, i completely agree with the fact that the current antibiotics have failed to deal with the issues caused by the changes in the way of living. Stress related diseases and sedentary way of living have negatively impacted the new age man. Firstly, there has been an increase in diseases due to lifestyle changes where as a number of people are now suffering from mental illness which was unheard of in the past. For instance, when a recent survey was conducted it revealed that about 60% of citizens are suffering from depression and anxiety. Secondly, those working in offices these days have desk based jobs which cause posture related issues. As a result offices made attending yoga workshops compulsory for their employees on a weekly basis. However, the role of modern medicines cannot be ignored completely. As there are many instances where their substitute are not a feasible option. For examples, in case of an accident where surgery is needed alternative medication will not work. Furthermore, people trust antibiotics as there have been various tests conducted which prove the effectiveness on humans. In conclusion, with the changes in lifestyle of human beings, new problems have also cropped up. Therefore, it is clear that these issues require to be dealt in a new way. After thorough analysis on this subject, drugs are no longer a possible solution for the new form of diseases. Mental illness is on the rise and various possible methods are being explored to control and cure it. With the given circumstances a new form of treatment is much needed.
This essay will discuss why the method of medication is such a debatable topic. In my opinion,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
completely
Consider using "agree that".
agree with the fact that
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
antibiotics have failed to deal with the issues caused by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the way of living.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Stress
related diseases and sedentary way of living have
negatively
impacted the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
.

Firstly
, there has been an increase in diseases due to lifestyle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
suffering from mental illness which was unheard of in the past.
For instance
, when a recent survey
was conducted
it revealed that about 60% of citizens are suffering from depression and anxiety.
Secondly
, those working in offices these days have desk based jobs which cause posture related issues.
As a result
offices made attending yoga workshops compulsory for their employees on a weekly basis.

However
, the role of modern medicines cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
completely.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
instances where their substitute are not a feasible option. For examples, in case of an accident where surgery
is needed
alternative medication will not work.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
trust antibiotics as there have been various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
conducted which prove the effectiveness on humans.

In conclusion
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in lifestyle of human beings,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
problems have
also
cropped up.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that these issues require to
be dealt
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
way. After thorough analysis on this subject, drugs are no longer a possible solution for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
form of diseases. Mental illness is on the rise and various possible methods are
being explored
to control and cure it. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
circumstances a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
form of treatment is
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
much needed
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay The number of people suffering from health problems caused by a modern lifestyle which cannot be treated with modern medicines. Some people believe that alternative medicine can help. Do you agree that alternative medicines are effective? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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