Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

More and more people are suffering from health problems caused by a modern lifestyle which cannot be treated with modern medicines. Some people think that a return to traditional medicine should be encouraged. To what extend do you agree? v.2

More and more people are suffering from health problems caused by a modern lifestyle which cannot be treated with modern medicines. Some people think that a return to traditional medicine should be encouraged. v. 2
It is true that some of scientifically untreated problems involving human derived from their new ways of life and the trend towards conventional methods to treat this problem is becoming common. While I agree that traditional medicine may be effective in certain conditions, I am of the opinion that modern medicine has still the pivotal role to play in curing new types of diseases. On the one hand, various types of traditional medicine are highly recommended to address some annoying problems. For example, having been under a huge volume of pressure related to the work, people are often suffering from insomnia. In order to solve this issue, acupuncture, as an oldest treating ways, can be much more effective than chemical drugs. In fact, not only does it assist people to eradicate this illness, but also it is entirely free of side effects. In addition most type of conventional methods are based on herbs and plants which are normally consistent with human nature and may have a positive effect on their mind. On the other hand, with considering all benefits of traditional medicine, it is not rational to rely on them. Firstly, there are enormous evidences illustrating the high rate of mortality in the past. It means that old methods had not been enough efficient in treating current diseases such as cholera and plague just to name. As a result, these methods are not likely to be applicable to cure today' s serious problems like cancer or diabetes. Moreover, modern medicine is going to be progressed with a rapid pace, while traditional remedies have been mainly constant over time. Although it seems that there is not initially a certain treatment for new emerged problems, extensive medical research are conducted continuously to find a solution, which are generally successful. In other words, if these new diseases had been appeared in the past, undoubtedly a great deal number of people would have died and ancient methods would not been adequate to tackle with them. In conclusion, I believe that traditional medicine can act as a supplementary treatment along with modern ways to fight with novel diseases.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of
scientifically
untreated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
involving human derived from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
ways of life and the trend towards conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
to treat this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is becoming common. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
may be effective in certain conditions, I am of the opinion that modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
has
still
the pivotal role to play in curing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
types of diseases.

On the one hand, various types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
are
highly
The verb 'recommended' is used with the gerund form: "recommended addressing".
recommended to address
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
annoying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
For example
, having been under a huge volume of pressure related to the work,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
suffering from insomnia. In order to solve this issue, acupuncture, as
Use "the" with the superlative.
an
oldest treating ways, can be much more effective than chemical drugs. In fact, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does it assist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to eradicate this illness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it is
entirely
free of side effects.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
most type of conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
are based
on herbs and plants which are
normally
consistent with human nature and may have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on their mind.

On the other hand
, with considering all benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
, it is not rational to rely on them.
Firstly
, there are enormous evidences illustrating the high rate of mortality in the past. It means that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
had not been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
efficient in treating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
diseases such as cholera and plague
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to name.
As a result
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
are not likely to be applicable to cure
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
like cancer or diabetes.
Moreover
, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
is going to
be progressed
with a rapid pace, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
remedies have been
mainly
constant over time. Although it seems that there is not
initially
a certain treatment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
emerged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, extensive medical research
are conducted
continuously
to find a solution, which are
generally
successful.
In other words
, if these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
diseases had
been appeared
in the past,
undoubtedly
a great deal number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
and ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
would not been adequate to tackle with them.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
can act as a supplementary treatment along with modern ways to fight with novel diseases.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more people are suffering from health problems caused by a modern lifestyle which cannot be treated with modern medicines. Some people think that a return to traditional medicine should be encouraged. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts