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More and more people are suffering from health problems caused by a modern lifestyle which cannot be treated with modern medicines. Some people think that a return to traditional medicine should be encouraged. To what extend do you agree? v.1

More and more people are suffering from health problems caused by a modern lifestyle which cannot be treated with modern medicines. Some people think that a return to traditional medicine should be encouraged. v. 1
There is no doubt that the trend of shopping online is booming. Due to the increasing trend, some people believe that all local shops will be locked down, while, I believe that the grocery and medical stores will be unaffected. E-shopping sites like Amazon, have attracted young crowd by offering unbeatable deals and discounts. This is because these sites want the customer to shop online and enhance their outreach. If these sites won't offer deals, the customers would prefer to visit local stores, without having to wait, to receive the item. In addition, the sites offer better range of products, especially in the fashion department, which is not possible for a local store due to financial and space constraints. Unbeatable deals and wide range of variety lure consumer to shop online. On the other hand, grocery and medical stores will still remain open. The main reason is that, the websites or the online shopping platforms are not capable to meet the local demands of the region. To illustrate, the online platforms target the community as one, while the local shops target a small community and they will have products based on their preference. In addition to it, in case of medical emergency, it is easier and quicker for a person to buy medication from a nearby store, than ordering it online. In conclusion, due to an increase in the online shopping tend, I agree that some stores will be closed; however, local grocery and medical stores which cater to the local demand will remain open.
There is no doubt that the trend of shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is booming. Due to the increasing trend,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
will
be locked
down, while, I believe that the grocery and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
will
be unaffected
.

E-shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
like Amazon, have attracted young crowd by offering unbeatable deals and discounts. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
want the customer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
and enhance their outreach. If these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
Consider removing 'will'. (Usually, 'will' does not occur in a conditional clause, unless in the sense 'want to' or 'be willing to'.)
won't offer
deals, the customers would prefer to visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
, without having to wait, to receive the item.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
offer better range of products,
especially
in the fashion department, which is not possible for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
due to financial and space constraints. Unbeatable deals and wide range of variety lure consumer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
online.

On the other hand
, grocery and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
will
still
remain open. The main reason is that, the websites or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping platforms are not capable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
demands of the region. To illustrate, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
platforms target the community as one, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
target a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
community and
they will have products based on their preference.
In addition
to it, in case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
emergency, it is easier and quicker for a person to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
medication from a nearby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
, than ordering it online.

In conclusion
, due to an increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping tend, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
will
be closed
;
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
grocery and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
which cater to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
demand will remain open.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more people are suffering from health problems caused by a modern lifestyle which cannot be treated with modern medicines. Some people think that a return to traditional medicine should be encouraged. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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