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Some people say that economic growth is the only way to end hunger and poverty, while others say that economic growth is damaging the environment so it must be stopped. Discuss both view and give your opinion. v.4

Some people say that economic growth is the only way to end hunger and poverty, while others say that economic growth is damaging the environment so it must be stopped. v. 4
In the contemporary world, economic development is obviously one of the top priorities of any government across the globe in reducing poverty. While economic progress is of course essential, some people believe that economic growth might exert negative effects on the environment and should be ceased. From my perspectives, I believe that environment reservation is as important as economic growth. In the one hand, it can not be deniable that a better economy could put an end to poverty and hunger. Firstly, the developed economy creates more job opportunities that allow each citizen to easily seek for stable career and have a decent income. As a result, they can easily get themselves out of the poverty. Moreover, if many businesses and enterprises are successful, they will in turn greatly contribute to the nation's budget through the tax system. This fund will consequently be allocated for building houses, improving educational quality or doing charity. On the other hand, there are countless example to support the opposing view that economic growth results in environmental destruction. To be more specific, when a country focuses on developing their economy, it also means that there are more and more factories built in that country. This would lead to high levels of Co2 and exhaust fumes in the atmosphere. In addition to that due to the negative effect of these emissions, mankind is now facing a high risk of cancer such as skin cancer by exposing directly to UV rays from the sun because ozone depletion. In the second place, economic growth correlates with the overconsumption of many natural resources. For example, the present economic man has forgotten the environment and eco-logical significance of natural vegetations mainly forests and has destroyed the forest rapidly. This gives birth to several problems encompassing environmental degradation through accelerated rate of soil erosion, floods as well as droughts. Rapid rate of industrialization also increased industrial output such chemical waste which pollute water, soil and thus degrade the environment. In conclusion, although economic growth is undeniably an essential way to eradicate poverty, I would strongly believe that apart from focusing on economic development, the government should give more priority to environmental concern in the sense that it can enhance the quality of life.
In the contemporary world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
development is
obviously
one of the top priorities of any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
across the globe in reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
progress is
of course
essential,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
might exert
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on the environment and should
be ceased
. From my perspectives, I believe that environment reservation is as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
growth.

In the one hand, it can not be deniable that a better economy could put an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
and hunger.
Firstly
, the developed economy creates more job opportunities that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
each citizen to
easily
seek for stable career and have a decent income.
As a result
, they can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
themselves out of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
.
Moreover
, if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
businesses and enterprises are successful, they will in turn
greatly
contribute to the nation's budget through the tax system. This fund will
consequently
be allocated
for building
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, improving educational quality or doing charity.

On the other hand
, there are countless example to support the opposing view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
results in environmental destruction. To be more specific, when a country focuses on developing their economy, it
also
means that there are more and more factories built in that country. This would lead to high levels of Co2 and exhaust fumes in the atmosphere.
In addition
to that due to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect of these emissions, mankind is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
facing a high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of cancer such as skin cancer by exposing
directly
to UV rays from the sun
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
ozone depletion. In the second place,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
correlates with the overconsumption of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
natural resources.
For example
, the present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
has forgotten the environment and
Possible spelling mistake found.
eco-logical
significance of natural
Possible spelling mistake found.
vegetations
mainly
forests and has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
the forest
rapidly
. This gives birth to several problems encompassing environmental degradation through accelerated rate of soil erosion, floods
as well
as droughts. Rapid rate of industrialization
also
increased industrial output such chemical waste which pollute water, soil and
thus
degrade the environment.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
is
undeniably
an essential way to eradicate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
, I would
strongly
believe that apart from focusing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
development, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should give more priority to environmental concern in the sense that it can enhance the quality of life.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that economic growth is the only way to end hunger and poverty, while others say that economic growth is damaging the environment so it must be stopped. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
372 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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