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The number of people interested in cosmetic surgery is increasing in order to improve their physical appearance Why do people do operations to change the way they look Do you think it is a positive or negative development v.1

The number of people interested in cosmetic surgery is increasing in order to improve their physical appearance Why do people do operations to change the way they look Do you think it is a positive or negative development v. 1
Nowadays, the rate of plastic surgery is rising in regards to the significance of appearance for some people. This essay discusses the reason why persons endorse these changes. While we must admit everybody likes to be in the center of attention by others, it can be managed. Although having beautiful pretense is inevitable, but if people do not control their instinct, it would have a terrible effect on each country. So, in my point of view, if each family nurture children properly, we will have a better society where their members keep a balance between either their appearance or their spirit. Based on recent surveys, there are a lot of groups who tend to seem better particularly in developing countries. It seems to me that it a negative change in today' s world. Some of the noticeable reasons include: Firstly, this kind of operation is paid attention by celebrities unless they are able to become popular in society as an inaccurate treat which can have improper results. Secondly, in this way, not only accurate treat is disappeared gradually, but also institutions take care of more and more about physical things. There is a proverb says that " the wisdom of people in their eyes" . Finally, ethics would be less important than look. In conclusion, if the government allocates enough budget for other entertainments such as sport and cosmetic altering is limited to people who are burnt in a fire, we would enjoy a better country.
Nowadays, the rate of plastic surgery is rising
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
in regards to
the significance of appearance for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This essay discusses the reason why persons endorse these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.

While we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
admit everybody likes to be in the center of attention by others, it can
be managed
. Although having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
pretense is inevitable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not control their instinct, it would have a terrible effect on each country.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in my point of view, if each family nurture children
properly
, we will have a better society where their members
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a balance between either their appearance or their spirit.

Based on recent surveys, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
groups who tend to seem better
particularly
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
. It seems to me that
Did you mean "is" or "it is"?
it
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s world.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
noticeable reasons include:
Firstly
, this kind of operation
is paid
attention by celebrities unless they are able to become popular in society as an inaccurate treat which can have improper results.
Secondly
, in this way, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
accurate treat
is disappeared
gradually
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
institutions take care of more and more about physical things. There is a proverb says that
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
; the wisdom of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their
Possible spelling mistake found.
eyes&quot
;
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Finally
, ethics would be less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than look.

In conclusion
, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
allocates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
budget for other entertainments such as sport and cosmetic altering
is limited
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are burnt
in a fire, we would enjoy a better country.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The number of people interested in cosmetic surgery is increasing in order to improve their physical appearance Why do people do operations to change the way they look Do you think it is a positive or negative development v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
246 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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