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Organized tours are choosing more and more to go to remote places and communities. Do you think this a positive or nagative development for the local people and the environment? v.2

Organized tours are choosing more and more to go to remote places and communities. Do you think this a positive or nagative development for the local people and the environment? v. 2
Tourism are so important for the promotion of countries these days. Remote sites and societies are more important for tours now. It seems to me that this idea has both positive and negative effect on the natives and the environment. We must admit traveling to deprive places will be useful for either local people or the environment if the government and people care about them carefully. For instance, not only unknown communities would be known better for tourists, but also they are encouraged to go there. Moreover it could have benefit for refining the environment. On the other hand, visiting remote places may have negative effect. For example unspoiled nature can be changed. In addition, people who are working there may be lose their own work for some reasons. Firstly, farming lands and their products would be damaged by speculators. Further, it is possible people who live there have to leave either their own house or their properties because of roadway. In summary, although there are both positive and negative effects on distant places, but if the government legislate reasonable laws for boosting tourism, affirmative impact will outweigh unwilling results.
Tourism are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the promotion of countries these days. Remote sites and societies are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for tours
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. It seems to me that this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
has both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on the natives and the environment.

We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
admit traveling to deprive places will be useful for either local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or the environment if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
care about them
carefully
.
For instance
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
unknown communities would
be known
better for tourists,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they
are encouraged
to go there.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
it could have benefit for refining the environment.

On the other hand
, visiting remote places may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect.
For example
unspoiled nature can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are working there may be
Consider using the past participle "lost"?
lose
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
work for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.
Firstly
, farming lands and their products would
be damaged
by speculators.
Further
, it is possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
either their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or their properties
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of roadway.

In summary, although there are both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on distant places,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
legislate reasonable laws for boosting tourism, affirmative impact will outweigh unwilling results.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Organized tours are choosing more and more to go to remote places and communities. Do you think this a positive or nagative development for the local people and the environment? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
190 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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