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People spend large amounts of time and money on clothes, hairstyles and make up to change their appearance. Is it important for people to be concerned about the way they look? What are the consequences of focussing on physical appearance? v.1

People spend large amounts of time and money on clothes, hairstyles and make up to change their appearance. Is it important for people to be concerned about the way they look? What are the consequences of focussing on physical appearance? v. 1
In modern society, it is not uncommon to see single men or women after they reach their 30s. Being married could affect your life so not a few waits until they get a strong financial status. However, some argue that being married by then would impact your lives positively. In this essay, I will outline whether you should or should not be married before you are 30. To begin with, having kids is one of the main goals of being married. Doctors usually state that the sooner you get them, the better. Firstly, as some diseases in babies such as some DNA issues could be avoided, and secondly, you will be able to have more sons. Thus, there will an increase of the fertility rate so your society will be beneficiated. On the other hand, many people do not finish their studies until their late 20s. This is because most occupations require not also a degree, but also a further specialization. For example, in areas such as medicine or engineering, you would need about 10 years in order to finish all your studies. As a result, it is likely that you will not be able to start your career until you are 30 and therefore you will not have a strong economical until then. In conclusion, there are advantages and disadvantages of being married before you are 30. However, I would say, that you should finish your studies and develop a career first as being married implies a strong responsibility for your family and kids.
In modern society, it is not uncommon to
see
single
men
or women after they reach their 30s.
Being married
could affect your life
so
not a few waits until they
get
a strong financial status.
However
,
some
argue that
being married
by then would impact your
lives
positively
. In this essay, I will outline whether you should or should not
be married
before
you are 30.

To
begin
with, having kids is one of the main goals of
being married
. Doctors
usually
state that the sooner you
get
them, the better.
Firstly
, as
some
diseases in babies such as
some
DNA issues could
be avoided
, and
secondly
, you will be able to have more sons.
Thus
, there will an increase of the fertility rate
so
your society will be
beneficiated
.

On the other hand
,
many
people
do not finish their studies until their late 20s. This is
because
most occupations require not
also
a degree,
but
also
a
further
specialization.
For example
, in areas such as medicine or engineering, you would need about 10 years in order to finish all your studies.
As a result
, it is likely that you will not be able to
start
your career until you are 30 and
therefore
you will not have a strong economical until then.

In conclusion
, there are advantages and disadvantages of
being married
before
you are 30.
However
, I would say, that you should finish your studies and develop a career
first
as
being married
implies a strong responsibility for your family and kids.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay People spend large amounts of time and money on clothes, hairstyles and make up to change their appearance. Is it important for people to be concerned about the way they look? What are the consequences of focussing on physical appearance? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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