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TPO 35 independentDo you agree or disagree with the following statement? Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.2

TPO 35 independent Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2
In the modern era, being an actor or a sportsman is considered an ideal job for young people. The jobs offer great salaries as well as entertainment and fame which is the distinctive characteristic of such jobs. But, the issue which may concern many entertainers and athletes is the fact that their lives are always under the spotlight and does not include as much privacy as other jobs have. In this regard, some people are inclined toward the fact that famous entertainers and athletes deserve more privacy while others believe that everyone who chooses a job, whether a worker or an actor, should accept the situations and pros and cons of his job. From my vantage point, it is their right to have more privacy than they do now. In what follows, I will elaborate on my views through two conspicuous reasons. The first aspect to point out is that due to the fame and popularity that these people have, they always encounter issues and are deprived of having the privacy which other people have. For instance, if an athlete or an entertainer shows unacceptable behavior or do abnormal activities in private, their activities would become viral very soon because of the reporters and paparazzi’s' intrusions. However, it is worth to mention that although they are role models for a large population people and should pay significant attention to their behavior, they are human like us and may make mistakes in social or private lives. But, since they are famous, their mistakes and activities, though private, are judged, discussed and highlighted. For instance, once a famous athlete who was the national football team’s captain in my country had an argument with one of the other athletes. The argument was as ordinary as the arguments we all have with our friends. But, since he was under everyone' s attention, his behavior was intensively criticized and even he lost much of his popularity. Furthermore, it is difficult for them to go out to fulfill a certain task or buy something. In other words, a famous person would probably find it difficult to go to a supermarket to buy his needed stuff, because he would be bombarded with a large number of fans who expect him to give them his signature or take photos with them. Such an activity would become extremely exhausting and boring after they face the same situation over and over and could become time-consuming. Moreover, even if they are not encountered with fans, tolerating the staring look of people is really tough for them. To recapitulate, all aforementioned reasons lead us to the fact that it is the right of famous entertainers and athletes to have privacy just like other people. Although their jobs involve high salaries, they always face with intrusions which irritate them and make their private lives difficult. It is widely recommended that people leave their great interest when seeing their favorite famous character. I would be very respectful of people if they stop judging and following every single activity these famous people have so that they would experience the same amount of privacy as we have.
In the modern era, being an actor or a sportsman
is considered
an ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
offer great salaries
as well
as entertainment and fame which is the distinctive characteristic of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, the issue which may concern
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
is the fact that their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are always under the spotlight and does not include as much privacy as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
have. In this regard,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are inclined
toward the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
deserve more privacy while others believe that everyone who chooses a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, whether a worker or an actor, should accept the situations and pros and cons of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. From my vantage point, it is their right to have more privacy than they do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. In what follows, I will elaborate on my views through two conspicuous reasons.

The
first
aspect to point out is that due to the fame and popularity that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have, they always encounter issues and
are deprived
of having the privacy which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have.
For instance
, if an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athlete
or an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
unacceptable behavior or do abnormal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
would become viral
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the reporters and paparazzi’
Possible spelling mistake found.
s&
#039; intrusions.
However
, it is worth to mention that although they are role models for a large population
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and should pay significant attention to their behavior, they are human like us and may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
mistakes in social or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, since they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
, their mistakes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
,
are judged
, discussed and highlighted.
For instance
, once a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athlete
who was the national football team’s captain in my country had an argument with one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
. The argument was as ordinary as the arguments we all have with our friends.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, since he was under
Possible spelling mistake found.
everyone&
#039; s attention, his behavior was
intensively
criticized and even he lost much of his popularity.

Furthermore
, it is difficult for them to go out to fulfill a certain task or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
something. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
person would
probably
find it difficult to go to a supermarket to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
his needed stuff,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he would
be bombarded
with
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
fans who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
him to give them his signature or take photos with them. Such an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
would become
extremely
exhausting and boring after they face the same situation over and over and could become time-consuming.
Moreover
, even if they are not encountered with fans, tolerating the staring look of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
really
tough for them.

To recapitulate, all aforementioned reasons lead us to the fact that it is the right of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entertainers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
to have privacy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Although their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
involve high salaries, they always face with intrusions which irritate them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
difficult. It is
widely
recommended that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their great interest when seeing their favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
character. I would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
respectful of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
judging and following every single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they would experience the same amount of privacy as we have.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
48Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 35 independent Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
521 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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