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The number of people at risk of serious health problem due to overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth in overweight people in society? What can be done to solve the issue? v.2

The number of people at risk of serious health problem due to overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth in overweight people in society? What can be done to solve the issue? v. 2
It is often argued that serious diseases like high blood pressure, obesity among the young people due to high body weight. There is a myriad reason for this issue. I will discuss some of them in this essay. It is a bitter truth that society is facing crucial health-related issues because of the unhealthy lifestyle, missing the ample physical activities and diet in daily routine. Nowadays, the pace of life is very fast so people do not have enough time to cook food and dependent on the fast food most of the time. Additionally, physical movement in daily life is almost disappeared after booming technology revolution. For instant, A statistic of the recently conducted research indicate that 60 percent people in developed country suffering heart related problem due to their sedentary life style. By this way people is inviting the diseases which can not be easily cured. However, people can avoid this deplorable condition by taking some measuring steps in their daily lifestyle. Physical exercise is the best solution to keep away diseases related to overweight. For instant, a research indicated that if you spent 20 minutes only for exercise daily then you can save yourself by almost all the major diseases. Moreover healthy diet can help a lot. People should take the green vegetables and fruits as much as possible and be away from the fried and heavy calorie foods. In conclusion, It is always fruitful thought to be healthy and fit and avoid the unnecessary stress of the physical problems. I believe that a regular habit and some healthy measure can be help in this and it will be make you wealthy eventually.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
like high blood pressure, obesity among the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
due to high body weight. There is a myriad reason for this issue. I will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them in this essay.

It is a bitter truth that society is facing crucial health-related issues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the unhealthy lifestyle, missing the ample
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities and diet in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
routine. Nowadays, the pace of life is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to cook food and dependent on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food most of the time.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
movement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
life is almost disappeared after booming technology revolution. For instant, A statistic of the recently conducted research indicate that 60 percent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed country
suffering heart related problem due to their sedentary life style. By this way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
inviting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
which can not be
easily
cured.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can avoid this deplorable condition by taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measuring steps in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
lifestyle.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Physical
exercise is the best solution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
away
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
related to overweight. For instant,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
indicated that if you spent 20 minutes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for exercise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
then you can save yourself by almost all the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
healthy diet can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a lot.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should take the green vegetables and fruits as much as possible and be away from the fried and heavy calorie foods.

In conclusion
, It is always fruitful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be healthy and fit and avoid the unnecessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
problems. I believe that a regular habit and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
healthy measure can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in this and it will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
you wealthy
eventually
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay The number of people at risk of serious health problem due to overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth in overweight people in society? What can be done to solve the issue? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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