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It is generally agreed that society benefits from the work of its members. Compare the contributions of artists to society with the contributions of scientists to society. Which type of contribution do you think is valued more by your society? Give specif v.6

It is generally agreed that society benefits from the work of its members. Compare the contributions of artists to society with the contributions of scientists to society. Which type of contribution do you think is valued more by your society? Give specif v. 6
Scientist and artists are the two important group of our modern society; so, which of them has more value? Everyone will answer this question based on his/her own characters, emotional concerns or educational backgrounds. Since a logical response requires an accurate analyses from both sides, I claim that role of scientists is more effective for our society; thus, I present the following justifications. The first and the most significant aspect that we must consider is that Tele-communications were invented and improved by scientists, while even critics can' t raise question on this point. Tele-communications, such as e-mails and mobile phones facilitates human lives and nowadays living without this options is impossible for everyone. People can save considerable amount of money and time by applying Tele communication in their life, thanks to scientists. Moreover, they can keep in touch with their friends and family from all over the world besides making new friends through the internet. As you can see, this is a magnificent invention of scientists for us which made a superior life, and we should appreciate their efforts. Another noteworthy aspect that should be addressed in this ongoing explanation is that scientists made faster and better circumstances for transportation, meanwhile, underestimating this comment will deprive us from a perfect judgment. Invention of the cars and plants, was a huge step in facilitating the transportation and traveling, which resulted to creating many opportunities for people around the world. People in this current modern society can' t go further in their works without utilizing these equipment for traveling, and we can consider cars as the most essential things for our life. Admittedly, there are some good contributions of the artists for society too, and we shouldn' t be unaware of this point. A great painting from an experienced artists can make people to enjoy and admire it, however, I believe that people can enjoy the nature more than a painting. Also, scientists can create many amazing painting with LED lamps that are as attractive as painting of an artist. To sum up, I don' t deny that artists contributed for our society, but taking all the factors into account and careful analyzing all aspects, I assert that scientists had a vital value for our community.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Scientist
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are the two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
group of our modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, which of them has more value? Everyone will answer this question based on his/her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
characters, emotional concerns or educational backgrounds. Since a logical response requires an accurate
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "analysis"?
analyses
from both sides, I claim that role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
is more effective for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
;
thus
, I present the following justifications.

The
first
and the most significant aspect that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
consider is that
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tele-communications
were invented
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
, while even critics
Possible spelling mistake found.
can&
#039; t raise question on this point.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tele-communications
, such as e-mails and mobile phones facilitates human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and nowadays living without
Did you mean "these"?
this
options is impossible for everyone.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can save considerable amount of money and time by applying
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tele
communication in their life, thanks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
.
Moreover
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with their friends and family from all over the world
besides
making new friends through the internet. As you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, this is a magnificent invention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
for us which made a superior life, and we should appreciate their efforts.

Another noteworthy aspect that should
be addressed
in this ongoing explanation is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
made faster and better circumstances for transportation, meanwhile, underestimating this comment will
The usual collocation for "deprive" is "of" not "us". Did you mean "deprive us of"?
deprive us from
a perfect judgment. Invention of the cars and plants, was a huge step in facilitating the transportation and traveling, which resulted to creating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
in this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
Possible spelling mistake found.
can&
#039; t go
further
in their works without utilizing
Did you mean "this equipment" or "these equipments"?
these equipment
for traveling, and we can consider cars as the most essential things for our life.

Admittedly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
contributions of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
too, and we
Possible spelling mistake found.
shouldn&
#039; t be unaware of this point. A great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
painting
from an experienced
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "artist"?
artists
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to enjoy and admire it,
however
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can enjoy the nature more than a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
painting
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
can create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
amazing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
painting
with LED lamps that are as attractive as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
painting
of an artist.

To sum up, I
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t deny that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
contributed for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
taking all the factors into account and careful analyzing all aspects, I assert that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
had a vital value for our community.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes

IELTS essay It is generally agreed that society benefits from the work of its members. Compare the contributions of artists to society with the contributions of scientists to society. Which type of contribution do you think is valued more by your society? Give specif v. 6

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
374 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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