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the number of people are at risk at serious health problem is only because of overweight. what is the reason and how it can be solved? v.2

the number of people are at risk at serious health problem is only because of overweight. what is the reason and how it can be solved? v. 2
Obese people are more prone to serious diseases such as cancers, cardiovascular diseases and type 2 diabetes. Two major risk factors to these health issues are physical inactivity and unhealthy diet, which are both modifiable. Therefore, the government should promote a daily exercise and a balanced diet for those who are overweight. This essay will discuss the issues around obesity and aim to provide some possible solutions to the problem. Some causes of people becoming overweight are physical inactivity and unhealthy diet. A lack of exercise is known to be the major risks to most of the serious diseases. In recent years, people do not engage in physical activities compared to the past because of the busy lifestyle and the development of technology and transportation. People are more reliant on cars and taxis and do less steps, for example. In addition, people consume a large amount of fast food and pre-cooked meals, which are high in sugar and sodium. This also contributes to gaining weight. People should take this problem seriously, otherwise the situation will get worse. At a government level, the promotion of regular exercise and a healthy diet is required, especially targeting the obese population group. The physical activity of 30 minutes per day is recommended to keep one's health. This will also reduce the risk of cardiovascular diseases, diabetes, that are prevalent among obese people. Likewise, a balanced diet, which contains a variety of nutrients is also known to reduce the likelihood of lifestyle-related illnesses by maintaining a healthy weight. Thus, there are some solutions to this issue. In conclusion, the obesity is a serious issue which contributes to detrimental health problems. As two major causes, namely physical inactivity and unhealthy diet are modifiable risk factors, people should establish a healthy habit. The government also should contribute to ease this issue by health promotions.
Obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more prone to serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
such as cancers, cardiovascular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
and type 2 diabetes. Two major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
factors to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
inactivity and unhealthy diet, which are both modifiable.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should promote a daily exercise and a balanced diet for those who are overweight. This essay will discuss the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
around obesity and aim to provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solutions to the problem.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
causes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
becoming overweight are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
inactivity and unhealthy diet. A lack of exercise
is known
to be the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
to most of the serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
. In recent years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities compared to the past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the busy lifestyle and the development of technology and transportation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are more reliant on cars and taxis and do
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun steps is countable.
less
steps,
for example
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consume a large amount of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food and
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-cooked
meals, which are high in sugar and sodium. This
also
contributes to gaining weight.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
should take this problem
seriously
,
otherwise
the situation will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
worse. At a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
level, the promotion of regular exercise and a healthy diet
is required
,
especially
targeting the obese population group. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity of 30 minutes per day
is recommended
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. This will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
of cardiovascular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
, diabetes, that are prevalent among obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Likewise
, a balanced diet, which contains a variety of nutrients is
also
known to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the likelihood of lifestyle-related illnesses by maintaining a healthy weight.
Thus
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to this issue.

In conclusion
, the obesity is a serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
which contributes to detrimental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems. As two major causes,
namely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
inactivity and unhealthy diet are modifiable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
factors,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should establish a healthy habit. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
also
should contribute to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
promotions.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
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IELTS essay the number of people are at risk at serious health problem is only because of overweight. what is the reason and how it can be solved? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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