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Cities are becoming more and more congested and polluted as the number of private cars increases. What are the advantages and disadvantages of owning a car? v.1

Cities are becoming more and more congested and polluted as the number of private cars increases. What are the advantages and disadvantages of owning a car? v. 1
In this present era, there is an augmentation of private cars, increasing the congestion and pollution in the urban areas. Owning a car has plenty of favourable aspects, however, there are also detrimental effects towards the owner, as well as the environment. Further information about these will be discussed in the essay. With regard to the benefits of having a private car, there are numerous of them. The first and most significant one is it is convenient due to the owners’ freedom to travel around with no fixed timetable and route, as well as the reduction in time-consuming because it is unnecessary for them to walk, cycle or take a train to get to their destinations, which usually require a lot of time. Consequently, they can spend that time in more effective ways, for instance, learning, making an investment and hanging out with families or friends. Another noticeable advantage is their surrounding people may consider that they are reliable and financially responsible, in short, car proprietors might gain credibility. As a result of this, it might increase their business opportunities and the number of friends. Despite the positives owning a private car have, there are various converse points. One of the noticeable ones is it is not environmentally friendly. With more specificity, it creates an excessive amount of congestion, and likewise, pollution by emitting greenhouse gases: namely, carbon dioxide and methane, which can result in global warming and the melting of polar ice. Furthermore, people residing in polluted areas, especially cities, may become unhealthy such as having respiratory diseases and Pneumonia. Another disadvantage that could be considered is the expenditure on the vehicle, which is generally incredibly high. To be more specific, they need to spend their money on automobile maintenance and insurance. Moreover, it might rise their financial burdens in case that they take out a loan from monetary institutions like banks, as a consequence. In conclusion, the dramatic growth in the number of private cars affects the environment badly, nevertheless, people still continue to buy more cars due to the advantages and disadvantages it has. In order to solve the problems, the government should enhance the public transportation or legislate on carbon emissions, hence people might stop using their own cars.
In this present era, there is an augmentation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
, increasing the congestion and pollution in the urban areas. Owning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
aspects,
however
, there are
also
detrimental effects towards the owner,
as well
as the environment.
Further
information about these will
be discussed
in the essay.

With regard to the benefits of having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
, there are numerous of them. The
first
and most significant one is it is convenient due to the owners’ freedom to travel around with no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
timetable and route,
as well
as the reduction in time-consuming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is unnecessary for them to walk, cycle or take a train to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to their destinations, which
usually
require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time.
Consequently
, they can spend that time in more effective ways,
for instance
, learning, making an investment and hanging out with families or friends. Another noticeable advantage is their surrounding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may consider that they are reliable and
financially
responsible, in short,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
proprietors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
gain credibility.
As a result
of this, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
increase their business opportunities and the number of friends.

Despite the positives owning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
have, there are various converse points. One of the noticeable ones is it is not
environmentally
friendly. With more specificity, it creates an excessive amount of congestion, and
likewise
, pollution by emitting greenhouse gases:
namely
, carbon dioxide and methane, which can result in global warming and the melting of polar ice.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
residing in polluted areas,
especially
cities, may become unhealthy such as having respiratory diseases and Pneumonia. Another disadvantage that could
be considered
is the expenditure on the vehicle, which is
generally
incredibly
high. To be more specific, they need to spend their money on automobile maintenance and insurance.
Moreover
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
rise their financial burdens in case that they take out a loan from monetary institutions like banks, as a consequence.

In conclusion
, the dramatic growth in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
affects the environment
badly
,
nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
continue to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
due to the advantages and disadvantages it has. In order to solve the problems, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should enhance the public transportation or legislate on carbon emissions,
hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
using their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Cities are becoming more and more congested and polluted as the number of private cars increases. What are the advantages and disadvantages of owning a car? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
373 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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