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The number of older people is increasing Some people think it will cause the problem to their countries others believe this group is important to society Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.1

The number of older people is increasing Some people think it will cause the problem to their countries others believe this group is important to society 1
At the contemporary time, there has always been a universal controversial among the pollution and traffic, and many governments are looking for explanation to tackle this issue. Many politicians believe that raising the cost of gas is the ideal explanation to settle the traffic and pollution difficulties. On the one hand, when prices of kerosene go up, the usage of fossil fuels will decrease sharply. As a result of soaring in crude oil cost, people try to find another way to deal with their routine transit problem. For instance, people with low income try to commute with cheaper transport systems. Although people with better peacocks use their car for only necessary and special occasions. On the other hand, raising the prices is not a long-term quick fix to this problem. After a short time people will get used to new prices, and start to use the as before. However, this rise in price has economical consequences like inflation that the government must increase the salaries of employees duos to rise in prices. Although the portion of gas users are people who work with their vehicles For example Ubber drivers, and can impose much pressure on them. In other words, increasing in fuel prices cannot be the ultimate explanation. In my opinion, the best quick fix is improving the transport system and reducing the prices for the transit system. One other and the most important aspect is educating people and encouraging them to use public shipping. In conclusion, raising in the fuel prices is a short-term result. The best way of approach to this issue is renovating and enhancing the public shipping. Although education plays the most significant part in tackling this difficult.
At the contemporary time, there has always been a universal controversial among the pollution and traffic, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are looking for explanation to tackle this issue.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
politicians believe that raising the cost of gas is the ideal explanation to settle the traffic and pollution difficulties.

On the one hand, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
of kerosene go up, the usage of fossil fuels will decrease
sharply
.
As a result
of soaring in crude oil cost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to find another way to deal with their routine transit problem.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with low income try to commute with cheaper transport systems. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with better peacocks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their car for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
necessary and special occasions.

On the other hand
, raising the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
is not a long-term quick
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
to this problem. After a short time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
However
, this rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
has
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "like". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences like
inflation that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
increase the salaries of employees duos to rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
. Although the portion of gas users are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who work with their vehicles
For example
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ubber
drivers, and can impose much pressure on them.

In other words
, increasing in fuel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
cannot be the ultimate explanation. In my opinion, the best quick
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
is improving the transport system and reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
for the transit system. One other and the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect is educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and encouraging them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
public shipping.

In conclusion
, raising in the fuel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
is a short-term result. The best way of approach to this issue is renovating and enhancing the public shipping.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
education plays the most significant part in tackling this difficult.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The number of older people is increasing Some people think it will cause the problem to their countries others believe this group is important to society 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
282 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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