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The number of older people is increasing. Some people think it will cause problem to their countries; others believe that this group is important to the society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

The number of older people is increasing. Some people think it will cause problem to their countries; others believe that this group is important to the society. v. 2
Aged population is rising rapidly in many countries. Although a section of society advocates that older people are important for the development of the country, I, however, hold the view that it creates several issues in their countries. On the one hand, proponents of former view consider that retired persons are assets to their homelands. The reason could be that they are an ultimate source of knowledge because of their vast life experience. They can provide valuable suggestions in critical decision making, leading to savings of time and money. For instance, if they are not working and earning, can voluntarily guide young learners as their teachers in selecting courses. This way, they can contribute in the society’s development up to some extent. On the other hand, I side with those who argue that rise in number of older people causes burden on state exchequer. The reason behind that is they have no source of income and are not able to work because of their age. In most countries, states provide old age pension, health insurance, and old age shelter for their retired population which in return providing nothing to state. Another significant cause is that shortage of young manpower for industries due to rise in old age people, leading to decline in industrial output. Governments have to import various utilities to fulfill their requirements, making loss of foreign currency deposits. Therefore, aging population leads to weakening the economic conditions of many nations. In conclusion, although retired people can provide guidance, however, governments have to spend a lot on providing many amenities to them which leads to economic crisis. Therefore, I maintain that it puts pressure on the financial condition of the nation.
Aged population is rising
rapidly
in
many
countries. Although a section of society advocates that older
people
are
important
for the development of the country, I,
however
, hold the view that it creates several issues in their countries.

On the one hand, proponents of former view consider that retired persons are assets to their homelands. The reason could be that they are an ultimate source of knowledge
because
of their vast life experience. They can provide valuable suggestions in critical
decision making
, leading to savings of time and money.
For instance
, if they are not working and earning, can
voluntarily
guide young learners as their teachers in selecting courses. This way, they can contribute in the society’s development up to
some
extent.

On the other hand
, I side with those who argue that rise in number of older
people
causes burden on state exchequer. The reason behind
that is
they have no source of income and are not able to work
because
of their
age
. In most countries, states provide
old
age
pension, health insurance, and
old
age
shelter for their retired population which in return providing nothing to state. Another significant cause is that shortage of young manpower for industries due to rise in
old
age
people
, leading to decline in industrial output.
Governments
have to
import various utilities to fulfill their requirements, making loss of foreign currency deposits.
Therefore
, aging population leads to weakening the economic conditions of
many
nations.

In conclusion
, although retired
people
can provide guidance,
however
,
governments
have to
spend a lot on providing
many
amenities to them which leads to economic crisis.
Therefore
, I maintain that it puts pressure on the financial condition of the nation.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay The number of older people is increasing. Some people think it will cause problem to their countries; others believe that this group is important to the society. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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