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The difference in age between parents and their children has increased compared to the past. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

The difference in age between parents and their children has increased compared to the past. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
In this contemporary world, technology is rising at a fast pace. With this advancement, one of the oldest electronic devices such as television set is also plays an important role in our society. Some people believe that watching TV is harmful for kids. However, in my opinion, television has some positive impact on child's intellectual development along with some side effects. First of all, Television helps to explore the knowledge and imagination power of an infant. While watching different programmes on television a child starts to generate a story or an imaginable picture in his or her mind which in turn wider the perspective of a child to see things from different angles. In evidence of this, I would like to elaborate my own childhood example, when I was just 9 years old I was quite fancy to watch different art and craft shows that built my interest in drawing classes. Consequently, In my class I started to present some different art works with the help of my imagination which I created through various television art series. So, watching television proved as the best for me as a child. On the other side, the people who believe that watching television is not good for children, they think so because most of the children watch TV programmes for long hours, which disturbs their offspring's regularly scheduled activities such as playing, eating, studying and sleeping. Consequently, this habit halts the physical growth of a child in spite of intellectual growth. For example, when a child watch screen continuously without getting interrupted, his eye sight might suffer due to the impact of hazardous Ultra Violet rays emerged from TV screen. Similarly, child may face some health issues like insomnia, sickness, weakness, indigestion etcetra. Hence, this is the reason, why some people thought that television is bad for children. To conclude, TV sets, play an important role in elaborating the knowledge of a child whereas, long hour watching television may put child into some serious health hazards. But, these physical problems might be eliminated by proper scheduling of daily activities, which is to be done by a child.
In this contemporary world, technology is rising at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace. With this advancement, one of the oldest electronic devices such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
set is
also
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in our society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that watching TV is harmful for kids.
However
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on child's intellectual development along with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
side effects.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to explore the knowledge and imagination power of an infant. While watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to generate a story or an imaginable picture in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
mind which in turn wider the perspective of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
things from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
angles. In evidence of this, I would like to elaborate my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
childhood example, when I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
9 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
I was quite fancy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
art and craft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that built my interest in drawing classes.
Consequently
, In my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to present
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
art works with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of my imagination which I created through various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
art series.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
proved as the best for me as a child.

On the other side, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who believe that watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for children, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
for long hours, which disturbs their offspring's
regularly
scheduled activities such as playing, eating, studying and sleeping.
Consequently
, this habit halts the physical growth of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
intellectual growth.
For example
, when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
screen
continuously
without getting interrupted, his
This word is usually spelt together: "eyesight".
eye sight
might suffer due to the impact of hazardous Ultra Violet rays emerged from TV screen.
Similarly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
may face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health issues like insomnia, sickness, weakness, indigestion
Possible spelling mistake found.
etcetra
.
Hence
, this is the reason, why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for children.

To conclude
, TV sets, play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in elaborating the knowledge of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
whereas, long hour watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
may put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious health hazards.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, these physical problems might
be eliminated
by proper scheduling of daily activities, which is to
be done
by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The difference in age between parents and their children has increased compared to the past. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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