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The number of older people is increasing in many parts of the world. What are the effects of this on society as a whole? What are the advantages or disadvantages of this trend? v.1

The number of older people is increasing in many parts of the world. What are the effects of this on society as a whole? What are the advantages or disadvantages of this trend? v. 1
In recent years, due to the obvious progress in the field of medicine, the average age in the developed countries has risen dramatically. Consequently, many people are expected to live more than 80 or maybe 90 years old. In this essay I will discuss the influence of this phenomenon on the society, mentioning the merits and demerits resulting from this trend. old people usually create a sense of coherence between the family members. To clarify, most adults tend to leave their homes after the age of 21 which leads to a fragile relationship between the siblings. Whereas, if the parents are still alive, their children will keep visiting them on a regular basis which will preserve the cohesion of the whole family. On the one hand, grandparents can take care of their grandchildren in the absence of their parents. One salient example that demonstrates this idea is when the parents have to travel for several days for work or when they have some meetings which young children cannot attend, especially in the countries where the idea of babysitters does not exist. Therefore, the only people that the parents could trust in these moments are their mothers because they love to spend much time with those children. On the flip side, If the elderly have good health conditions, they will occupy many job vacancies which will mitigate the youth' s opportunities in the work market. Due to their high levels of experience and the ability to work for more years, they can possess all the managerial positions. Hence, it will reduce the chance for a young employee to be promoted or even to find work. To recapitulate, not only is the senior citizens considered as the main key for maintaining a solid family, but they are also can aid their sons and daughters to raise their babies. Whilst, their ability to work for several years could deprive the youth of finding a suitable job.
In recent years, due to the obvious progress in the field of medicine, the average age in the
developed countries
has risen
dramatically
.
Consequently
,
many
people
are
expected
to
live
more than 80 or maybe 90 years
old
. In this essay I will discuss the influence of this phenomenon on the society, mentioning the merits and demerits resulting from this trend.

old
people
usually
create a sense of coherence between the family members. To clarify, most adults tend to
leave
their homes after the age of 21 which leads to a fragile relationship between the siblings. Whereas, if the
parents
are
still
alive, their children will
keep
visiting them on a regular basis which will preserve the cohesion of the whole family.

On the one hand, grandparents can take care of their grandchildren in the absence of their
parents
. One salient example that demonstrates this
idea
is when the
parents
have to
travel for several days for
work
or when they have
some
meetings which young children cannot attend,
especially
in the countries where the
idea
of babysitters does not exist.
Therefore
, the
only
people
that the
parents
could trust in these moments are their mothers
because
they
love
to spend much time with those children.

On the flip side, If the elderly have
good
health conditions, they will occupy
many
job vacancies which will mitigate the
youth&
#039; s opportunities in the
work
market. Due to their high levels of experience and the ability to
work
for more years, they can possess all the managerial positions.
Hence
, it will
reduce
the chance for a young employee to
be promoted
or even to find work.

To recapitulate, not
only
is the senior citizens considered as the main key for maintaining a solid family,
but
they are
also
can aid their sons and daughters to raise their babies. Whilst, their ability to
work
for several years could deprive the youth of finding a suitable job.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The number of older people is increasing in many parts of the world. What are the effects of this on society as a whole? What are the advantages or disadvantages of this trend? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
323 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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