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Which is better for students’ education: 9-month study and 3-month break or 3-month study and 1-month break? v. 2

Views differ considerably when it comes to the issue of which is better time span for student’s education. Some people contend that students should attend concentrated education, while others assert that students may take part in education that has interval gaps. Both of opposite arguments appear to be somewhat convincing and stand to reason. Honestly, as for me, I agree that students should choose the education of 3-month study and 1-month break. The reasons are stated as follow. First of all, students have less attention span and attending study for 9 months would make students severely distracted in class. The report, which established by Taiwan University, indicates that people only have 50 minutes for continuously concentrating on what they make important on. That is to say, students cannot sustain focusing on their study exceed 9 months. On the other hand, if students attend study that exceeds 9 months, they would be easily distracted by homework or other factors. Secondly, students are lazy and attend study for so long would be too much workload for them. Take my friend Joe for example. In my university, teachers assign homework every class and ask students finishing on time, and Joe always stalls until last day. Thus, if students attend long-term classes, they must accumulate unfinished homework until the deadline. Consequently, students may finally fail to pass the course and they actually do not gain skills that teachers teach for. That is to say, students are not suited for 9 months study. Last but not least, students care about study performance and participating in 3-months study help them developing those. For instance, people often get ideas and crucial factor when they are on vocation. To be specific, they need proper rest to inspire their brainstorming and interval break is a better choice for students. On the other hand, if students do not have appropriate rest time, they may feel tired so that they must be less creative and exhausted. As a result, students may have less study performance when they take continuous 9-months study. To conclude, as some reasons mentioned above, I believe that students attend short-term education is better. Namely, due to distracted issue, lazy problem, and study performance, I definitely support that students participate in education: 3-month study and 1-mouth break.

IELTS essay Which is better for students’ education: 9-month study and 3-month break or 3-month study and 1-month break? v.2

Views differ
considerably
when it
comes
to the issue of which is better time span for
student’s
education
.
Some
people
contend that
students
should
attend
concentrated
education
, while others assert that
students
may
take part
in
education
that has interval gaps. Both of opposite arguments appear to be somewhat convincing and stand to reason.
Honestly
, as for me, I
agree
that
students
should choose the
education
of
3-month
study
and
1-month
break. The reasons
are stated
as follow
.

First of all
,
students
have less attention span and attending
study
for 9
months
would
make
students
severely
distracted in
class
. The report, which established by Taiwan University, indicates that
people
only
have 50 minutes for
continuously
concentrating on what they
make
important
on.
That is
to say,
students
cannot sustain focusing on their
study
exceed 9
months
. On the
other
hand, if
students
attend
study
that exceeds 9
months
, they would be
easily
distracted by homework or
other
factors.

Secondly
,
students
are lazy and
attend
study
for
so
long would be too much workload for them. Take my friend Joe
for example
. In my university, teachers assign homework every
class
and ask
students
finishing on time, and Joe always stalls until last day.
Thus
, if
students
attend
long-term classes, they
must
accumulate unfinished homework until the deadline.
Consequently
,
students
may
finally
fail to pass the
course and
they actually do not gain
skills
that teachers teach for.
That is
to say,
students
are not suited for 9
months
study.

Last
but
not least,
students
care about
study
performance and participating in
3-months
study
help
them
developing
those.
For instance
,
people
often
get
ideas
and crucial factor when they are on vocation. To be specific, they need proper rest to inspire their brainstorming and interval break is a better choice for
students
. On the
other
hand, if
students
do not have appropriate rest time, they may feel tired
so
that they
must
be less creative and exhausted.
As a result
,
students
may have less
study
performance when they take continuous
9-months
study.

To conclude
, as
some
reasons mentioned above, I believe that
students
attend
short-term
education
is better.
Namely
, due to distracted issue, lazy problem, and
study
performance, I definitely support that
students
participate in
education
:
3-month
study
and 1-mouth break.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
52Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela
Essay
5 paragraphs
379 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resources: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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