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A dramatic trend in many developed nations is the ageing of the population, with the growing number of people older than retirement age. This situation can lead to problems affecting the whole community. Outline the cause and effects of this issue and offer possible solutions. v.1

A dramatic trend in many developed nations is the ageing of the population, with the growing number of people older than retirement age. This situation can lead to problems affecting the whole community. Outline the cause and effects of this issue and offer possible solutions. v. 1
Population aging is one of humanity's greatest triumphs and also one of our greatest challenges. As we enter the 21st century, global aging will cause increased social and economic demands around the world. However, older people are generally ignored as a resource when in fact they are an important resource for the structure of our societies. The World Health Organization argues that countries can afford aging if governments, international organizations and civil society implement “active aging” policies and programs that improve the health, participation and safety of older citizens. The time to plan and act is now. In every country, and especially in developing countries, measures to help older people stay healthy and active are a necessity, not a luxury. The policies and programs we refer to above should be based on the rights, needs, preferences and skills of older people. They should also include a life course perspective that recognizes the important influence of life experiences on the way individuals age. To conclude providing opportunities for the elderly to remain in the workforce longer as well as engage in volunteering, care, and artistic activities can provide both social and economic benefits and relieve some of the fiscal pressures related to aging societies. However, work activities for the elderly do not automatically translate into social welfare gains. Policies should be arranged in a way that recognizes the dignity and autonomy of older individuals as opposed to providing them with meaningless or degrading tasks merely to keep them occupied. In addition to furnishing meaningful and rewarding opportunities, activities should be adapted to the physical and mental aptness of older individuals. And while paid and unpaid work activities are beneficial to society and the elderly, allowing for choice and autonomy is key.
Population aging is one of humanity's greatest triumphs and
also
one of our greatest challenges. As we enter the 21st century, global aging will cause increased social and economic demands around the world.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
as a resource when in fact they are an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
resource for the structure of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
. The World Health Organization argues that countries can afford aging if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
, international organizations and civil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
implement “active aging” policies and programs that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the health, participation and safety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
citizens. The time to plan and act is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. In every country, and
especially
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
, measures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
stay healthy and active are a necessity, not a luxury.

The policies and programs we refer to above should
be based
on the rights, needs, preferences and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. They should
also
include a life course perspective that recognizes the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
influence of life experiences on the way individuals age.

To conclude
providing opportunities for the elderly to remain in the workforce longer
as well
as engage in volunteering, care, and artistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can provide both social and economic benefits and relieve
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
fiscal pressures related to aging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
.
However
, work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for the elderly do not
automatically
translate into social welfare gains. Policies should
be arranged
in a way that recognizes the dignity and autonomy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
individuals as opposed to providing them with meaningless or degrading tasks
merely
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them occupied.
In addition
to furnishing meaningful and rewarding opportunities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
should
be adapted
to the physical and mental aptness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
individuals. And while paid and unpaid work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and the elderly, allowing for choice and autonomy is key.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay A dramatic trend in many developed nations is the ageing of the population, with the growing number of people older than retirement age. This situation can lead to problems affecting the whole community. Outline the cause and effects of this issue and offer possible solutions. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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