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Nowadays young people know less about traditions and culture than in the past. What are the reasons for it? What can be done to improve this situation? v.2

Nowadays young people know less about traditions and culture than in the past. What are the reasons for it? What can be done to improve this situation? v. 2
It is believed that children and adolescents now are not interested to learn about traditions and cultures, unlike the previous generations. The causes of this worrying trend will be discussed, as well as, examining what can be done to prevent this problem from deteriorating. In fact, there are several causes for the problem of new generations abandoning their traditions. Firstly, one of the main reasons is the media, in other words, the movies and the video clips have changed the way children think and act. For instance, everyone wants to imitate the way his favorite Hollywood hero dresses and acts. Secondly, families no longer have the time to teach their children how to embrace their culture owing to their busy life and their growing responsibilities. However, although young people nowadays prefer not to follow traditions, there are ways to improve this situation. Media has an enormous influence on young people, hence, if more programs discuss cultural topics in an interesting way children will know more about culture. Another solution is, schools have to concentrate more on introducing traditions and cultural topics, such as adding them to the curriculum. This way, children will learn more about their culture while studying. In conclusion, It is evident that the problem of young people having less knowledge about their culture has numerous reasons. However, when the media and schools concentrate more on introducing them to the children in young age, that will help improve the situation, and therefore, youngsters will know more about their culture.
It
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and adolescents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
are not interested to learn about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
, unlike the previous generations. The causes of this worrying trend will
be discussed
,
as well
as, examining what can
be done
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this problem from deteriorating.

In fact, there are several causes for the problem of new generations abandoning their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
.
Firstly
, one of the main reasons is the media,
in other words
, the movies and the video clips have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and act.
For instance
, everyone wants to imitate the way his favorite Hollywood hero dresses and acts.
Secondly
, families no longer have the time to teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to embrace their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
owing to their busy life and their growing responsibilities.

However
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
nowadays prefer not to follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
, there are ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
this situation. Media has an enormous influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
hence
, if more programs discuss cultural topics
Consider replacing "in an interesting way" with the adverb for "interesting"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an interesting way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will know more about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. Another solution is, schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
concentrate more on introducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
and cultural topics, such as adding them to the curriculum. This way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will learn more about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
while studying.

In conclusion
, It is evident that the problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
having less knowledge about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
has numerous reasons.
However
, when the media and schools concentrate more on introducing them to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age, that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the situation, and
therefore
, youngsters will know more about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays young people know less about traditions and culture than in the past. What are the reasons for it? What can be done to improve this situation? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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