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The number of older people is increasing. Some people think that this will cause problems in their countries, others believe this group is important to society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.5

The number of older people is increasing. Some people think that this will cause problems in their countries, others believe this group is important to society. v. 5
The population of elderly individuals has soared. Although many individuals believe that this can trigger some sorts of issues in their homelands, others stated that they are keeping their significance towards the community. In this essay, I agree that older people play an important role in society having a competitive advantage over creating problems done by matures. This essay will discuss both points of views. On the one hand, some people consider that elderly people can make a noticeable amount of contribution for the sake of a community. Moreover, over the years of challenging difficulties in life, they know how to behave in different situations. It is therefore agreed that they have experienced how to cope with harsh events. For example, a recent Cambridge study showed that 9 per cent of wealthy nations discourage their elder population to retire. Indeed, governments try them to involve economic activities. Therefore, it is obviously the case that the significance of the participation of older individuals can be solid. On the other hand, it is believed by some that the aged population generates some insoluble issues to countries. This is because they can utilize the health care system of a nation more than young citizens so that the health care expenditures will be the rise and more and more tax will be regulated. Despite this, many mature individuals who have got not only great knowledge, but also a lot of skills can increase financial activities more than young adults. For instance, a study by Oxford found that the comparison between different age groups of the government expenditures for health care can be concluded that young people generally tend to visit hospitals more than elderly citizens by 20% more. Thus, it is certainly the case that older people cannot be underestimated by governments against young generations. In conclusion, while people may vary in their opinion, I think that elderly people keep their positive impact on society in spite of their population is increasing. In the future, the importance of the mature population will be much considered as much as young people.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
has soared. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
believe that this can trigger
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sorts of issues in their homelands, others stated that they are keeping their significance towards the community. In this essay, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in society having a competitive advantage over creating problems done by matures. This essay will discuss both points of views.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a noticeable amount of contribution for the sake of a community.
Moreover
, over the years of challenging difficulties in life, they know how to behave in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations. It is
therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that they have experienced how to cope with harsh
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
For example
, a recent Cambridge study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 9 per cent of wealthy nations discourage their elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
to retire.
Indeed
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
try them to involve economic activities.
Therefore
, it is
obviously
the case that the significance of the participation of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
can be solid.

On the other hand
, it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that the aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
generates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
insoluble issues to countries. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can utilize the health care system of a nation more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the health care expenditures will be the rise and more and more tax will
be regulated
. Despite this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
mature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
who have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
great knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
can increase financial activities more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults.
For instance
, a study by Oxford found that the comparison between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age groups of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
expenditures for health care can
be concluded
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
generally
tend to visit hospitals more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
citizens by 20% more.
Thus
, it is
certainly
the case that older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot
be underestimated
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generations.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may vary in their opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
is increasing. In the future, the importance of the mature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
will be much considered as much as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay The number of older people is increasing. Some people think that this will cause problems in their countries, others believe this group is important to society. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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