Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The number of older people is increasing. Some people think it will cause problems in their countries, others believe this group is important to society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.6

The number of older people is increasing. Some people think it will cause problems in their countries, others believe this group is important to society. v. 6
Many people believe that the young generation should go along with the older generation's recommendations while others think it would be beneficial if young people question the elderly. In this essay, I am going to examine both points of view and then give my own perspective on the matter. On one side of the argument, there are people who argue the benefits of following older people's advice considerably outweigh its disadvantages. The main reason for believing this is experience will help guide people through emergencies. For instance, aircraft have a captain and a first officer, and the captain always has to 5 or 8 years more experience than the second in command because in cases of emergency, such as flying through turbulence; the captain's guidance helps to understand the circumstances more accurately. It is also possible to say that older people have more social connections to help young people to open doors within society, so if they follow the advice well, they might get a letter of reference from their tutors or mentors. On the other hand, it is also possible to make the opposing case. It is often argued that people must stand on their two feet in the long run. People often have this opinion because they believe that the trial and error is an essential part of achieving success for young people. The second point is that innovation always comes with challenging the conventional way. A particularly good example here is when 'From Software' decided to make video games; they were originally an accounting software company, but later they were able to create some of the best games in history because of some recommendations of a young new recruit. In conclusion, I believe both arguments have their merits. On balance, however, I feel that the young generation should follow their senior's advice because they have more personal experience and connections, which is very useful to help young people's careers. Given this situation, it is recommended that they respect older people and ask questions as much as possible in order to gain their trust.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation should go along with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
generation's recommendations while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it would be beneficial if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
question the elderly. In this essay, I am going to examine both points of view and then give my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective on the matter.

On one side of the argument, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who argue the benefits of following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's advice
considerably
outweigh its disadvantages. The main reason for believing this is experience will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
guide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
through emergencies.
For instance
, aircraft have a captain and a
first
officer, and the captain always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
5 or 8 years more experience than the second in command
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in cases of emergency, such as flying through turbulence; the captain's guidance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to understand the circumstances more
accurately
. It is
also
possible to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more social connections to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to open doors within society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if they follow the advice well, they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a letter of reference from their tutors or mentors.

On the other hand
, it is
also
possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the opposing case. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
stand on their two feet in the long run.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have this opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believe that the trial and error is an essential part of achieving success for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The second point is that innovation always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with challenging the conventional way. A
particularly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example here is when 'From Software' decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
video games; they were
originally
an accounting software
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
later they were able to create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of the best games in history
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
recommendations of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
new recruit.

In conclusion
, I believe both arguments have their merits. On balance,
however
, I feel that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation should follow their senior's advice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have more personal experience and connections, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's careers.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
this situation, it
is recommended
that they respect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and ask questions as much as possible in order to gain their trust.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay The number of older people is increasing. Some people think it will cause problems in their countries, others believe this group is important to society. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts